I'm here, I'm here!

An interesting thing happens when you experience post-prep crash.  You come back with a more balanced perspective.

What a crazy idea, huh?  :)

Here is the truth and the whole truth.  I have known that sugar is not good for me for a long time.  I have also known that I am abnormally sensitive to simple and complex carbohydrates for a long time.  I was even convinced of this all the way through my competition prep.  The restriction I was down to and the amount of time spent lifting and doing cardio should have yielded much more extreme results.  But I believed that the carbs were necessary for my muscle recovery and to maintain mass.

I have dabbled with Paleo and Primal eating and have followed some of the eating plan my chiropractic office uses (same premise as Paleo, etc).  When I do, I feel better, have more energy and I don't have to be a slave to the traditional fitness industry lies standards.  When I eat this way, I experience the same level of weight loss size reduction whether I am working out or not.  However, I do work out because weight loss is not my goal, but being strong and healthy is.

Back to the truth and whole truth bit.  After pulling the plug on my competition last fall, I slowly started to "cheat" here and there.  Like anything else in life, this was a slow fade into full on crappy eating.  As I stated in an earlier post, I literally turned into a cookie monster.  I was sick a lot (another interesting link to eating sugar and crappy carbs, but I'll leave that alone for now) which resulted in be totally being out of the gym for a couple of months.  I went from one extreme to the other.  But because I actually like the gym and I love lifting, I knew I would be back in.  I also knew something had to give.  With Jenna being 2 now, I could not, in good conscience, leave her in day care for 10 hours 5 days a week so I could work out like I was before.  And I no longer believe in the standard fitness industry philosophy.

I now work out 3 days a week.  I'll do 4 if I can do so without leaving Jenna in day care.  But my normal schedule is Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday.  Tuesday and Thursday I have my old workout partner back in with me.  Saturday I'm on my own (fine with me since it's leg day).  We how our workout done in an hour or less and no traditional cardio.  Plyos and HIIT only.  And I am back to a Paleo-ish way of eating.  It works best for me.  Healthy fats are a much more efficient fuel source and they help balance hormones (which is what causes me so many issues when I eat sugar and carbs).  I don't weigh anything.  I don't count anything.  I don't track anything.  And I have time for everything else in my life, too.

I'm not really a person who gets caught up with size.  I eat to be strong and I have no desire to be waifish.  As a result, I'm not hung up on the fact that I have put on weight.  I am hung up on the fact that I DO NOT want to miss the best years of my child's life in the selfish pursuit of fitness.  With this, I can appreciate the nature of the extremes, as there truly are benefits to them (as there are detriments, too), but can be grateful that I am coming out on the other side, with a desire for balance.  And with that balance comes peace of mind and self-acceptance. Sweet, sweet peace and self-acceptance. :)

Tiger Stripes for sure!

I have friends who say that they don't want to have children because they don't want it to wreck their bodies.

I get what they mean, but I don't understand.  Motherhood is one of the most fundamental reasons we are women.  And for that reason, I don't think of my body as wrecked - or scarred - or as anything that puts down the fact that I have gone through the purely miraculous process of giving birth to a beautiful, amazing human being. 

And for that reason, I am a tiger who has earned her f&*king stripes and I wear them with pride.

Motivation...or not...:)

Two statements are twirling through my mind right now.

1. It blows my mind how fast you can get out of the habit of something.

2. If it were possible to eat your body weight in cookies, JP and I would be a cookie.

Which, in a nutshell, outlines our holidays.  No gym. LOTS of cookies.  Now I am switching those things out....daily to gym...NO cookies. 

(Insert part where I defend the lack of gym attendance over the holidays): Did I mention I was sick over Christmas?  I mean, full on chest cold, struggling-to-breathe sick.  That was for a little over a week.  Then there is the slow recovery period, where everything starts to loosen up.  Which means no sleep, because you are hacking your pelvis up throughout the night.  Yup.  That didn't make for good workout energy.  So I didn't go.  And I ate lots of cookies.

And I had a great week last week - ate good, worked out every day...and then Jenna got sick...and now I am sick again.  What better to make you feel better when sick than....??

I know you are going to say soup, but I am going to say....cookies! Teehee.


The lesson of all of this?  I am HUMAN.  Yup.  Human.  I get motivated and then I lose motivation.  I get focused on one thing (in this case competition prep) and then something happens that throws me all out of whack (like taking teaching a class on top of an already CRAZY schedule and then getting sick multiple times in quick order).  Which reminds me that I am human.

Ironically, I really am okay with this all.  I didn't make it to the stage, but I did do the prep for almost 5 full months.  5 full months of weighing everything that went in my mouth, not eating ANYTHING not on my plan, increasingly phasing out everything that tastes good.  5 months of going to the gym every day...even when out of town, of not taking a down day, of not skipping cardio - of documenting every rep, every set, every weight, every minute of my time in the gym.  I was SO burnt out after the 5 months of rigorous dieting and rigid training that I needed to just bounce around without a plan for a while.  It's a balance of sorts.  Ok.  I know that sounds insane, so let me elaborate.

Balance is this elusive concept that people try to find, plan for and that most people seek.  As though they can give equal attention to everything in one 24 hour time span.  Yeah, as if that is realistic.  Truth is that sometimes one area of my life will command more of my attention and at other times another area will command more of my attention.  But I also have a tendency to let the obsessive part of my nature take hold, which is why I realize, after the fact, that something consuming like competition prep isn't the best thing for me.

So...back to balance.  Balance is a concept that can be hard to achieve in the best of circumstances, but impossible in the extreme of circumstances.  Which brings me to the point that this is all a process.  For the moment, I am okay with a few extra pounds and cookies.  I don't have to set a rigid standard and totally beat myself up for not meeting it.  I can just be where I am today.  But I do know, when it comes to fitness and nutrition (as well as life in general), being healthy requires some measure of discipline and some degree of stepping out of my comfort zone.  I saw something the other day that I have been meditating over.  I will leave off with that, as it's a good reminder...as balance sometimes is achieved when I step out of the realm of my comfort zone.  Which is a topic for another day. :)