Take the title, sing it to the tune of Hold Me Closer Tiny Dancer, and you have an idea of what happens in my head when I see the inevitable shadow boxer at the gym.
I have worked out at a lot of gyms and there seems to be one at each one. How they shadow box varies...some shadow box between work sets, some even go full MMA - throwing in kicks, jabs and roundabouts - and then there is the guy at my new gym, who stands in front of the mirror in the free weights section for 30 minutes - taking up precious space, mind you - floating like a butter fly and stinging like a bee. With himself. At first I thought he was warming up for a workout, but then he seemed to be satisfied with the fight (maybe he won by KO!) and left. Seems like an interesting way to spend a monthly fee. And it's distracting...makes me laugh and messes up my work sets.
I know. I shouldn't judge. To each his own and whatever works and all that fun fluffy stuff. I just don't get it. Anymore than I got the chick at Pivotal who spent two hours every day in the mirror of the women's section dancing like she was on acid at Woodstock. I just don't get it.
But I guess some people just don't get what I do either. I know a lot of people who would happily undergo a root canal rather than lift weights, so I guess it is to each his own.
Rock on, shadow boxer.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
What do you see when you see me?
When I change into my gym clothes, I turn into a machine.
Literally.
All of the criticism is gone.
All of the insecurity disappears.
I critically analyze what I want to change and I work to change it.
I feel amazing when I pour sweat.
I love to feel the soreness of my muscles - to know that I worked them so hard.
I love the gym. I wish I could live in my gym clothes.
Seriously.
I wish for everyone a love like this.
To something that is healthy for you.
Something that builds you up.
Makes you a better (stronger!) person.
Gives you a goal (or goals) to work toward.
Something to take pride in.
That requires patience.
And dedication.
And willingness.
I wish for you a love like this.
And all it takes is the effort to start - whatever it is you have been wanting to start.
Join that gym. Or that flag football team. Take those golf/tennis/dance lessons. Sign up for the crafting class. Learn how to put flooring in. Try that part-time job. Stop talking about checking out paddle boarding and do it. Hike Table Rock with a group of friends (so you know you really aren't dying! Lol).
My love started years ago, but I rekindled the flame when I wanted to lose weight before my wedding. I hated the training workouts, but something remembered how much I loved Olympic lifting back in the day. I don't do that anymore, but the memory did get me back to lifting weights, which is my love. What is your love?
Literally.
All of the criticism is gone.
All of the insecurity disappears.
I critically analyze what I want to change and I work to change it.
I feel amazing when I pour sweat.
I love to feel the soreness of my muscles - to know that I worked them so hard.
I love the gym. I wish I could live in my gym clothes.
Seriously.
I wish for everyone a love like this.
To something that is healthy for you.
Something that builds you up.
Makes you a better (stronger!) person.
Gives you a goal (or goals) to work toward.
Something to take pride in.
That requires patience.
And dedication.
And willingness.
I wish for you a love like this.
And all it takes is the effort to start - whatever it is you have been wanting to start.
Join that gym. Or that flag football team. Take those golf/tennis/dance lessons. Sign up for the crafting class. Learn how to put flooring in. Try that part-time job. Stop talking about checking out paddle boarding and do it. Hike Table Rock with a group of friends (so you know you really aren't dying! Lol).
My love started years ago, but I rekindled the flame when I wanted to lose weight before my wedding. I hated the training workouts, but something remembered how much I loved Olympic lifting back in the day. I don't do that anymore, but the memory did get me back to lifting weights, which is my love. What is your love?
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Practice, practice, practice
Hmmmm....all this talk about progress got me thinking. I can't say enough how I have a variety of goals and how this helps me stay sane in the gym. I just don't think I could go in there with one goal in mind all of the time (i.e., lose weight, so I do the same cardio day in and day out). Recently I have been adding plyometrics back into my workouts. For a while I stayed away from them because, well, when you carry extra weight and you find yourself jumping around...it's just not...comfortable. But now that some of the weight is coming off, it's...less uncomfortable. :)
Endurance is something I want to include in my goals because it would just be crazy to look in shape but not actually be in shape. I have a friend at the gym who is naturally fit looking, who puts on muscle easily, and stays slim naturally. She eats like crap - never does cardio - and you would really never know it by looking at her. One day she said to me, "I think I need to start doing different stuff in the gym. It's ridiculous that I am as strong as I am, but get winded walking to the mailbox." Exactly.
I have to admit that I also have a hidden motive, too. More and more research is showing that high intensity bursts during workouts are a great way to break through plateaus, stimulate faster fat loss, and lose stubborn belly fat. Funny, considering that my belly fat is what has been holding me back (or...should I say, fear of belly fat in motion...lol!). Adding plyometric and other burst exercises in between lifting sets is a great way to incorporate high intensity exercises into a workout (or...it doesn't just have to be doing intervals on a cardio machine...which is something I will do but it really doesn't excite me in any way).
In the last post I talked about how try & try again isn't always appopriate in the gym. However, with endurance, high intensity and plyometrics, it is. More specifically, practice makes endurance. Two weeks ago I would get really winded halfway through a first set of plyometric exercises. Now it takes me until the third or fourth set. Progress.
There was a girl at the gym the other day doing bounding exercises - all the way up to four bounds with the highest boxes. Trish Warren-style. It was impressive. I introduced myself to her and complimented her on the bounding workout. Her reply, "I learned it through practice." I know not everyone knows what bounding is, so here is a video of it:
Hmmmm....not sure I will ever get there, but certainly something I can aspire to do one day. With practice, of course!
Endurance is something I want to include in my goals because it would just be crazy to look in shape but not actually be in shape. I have a friend at the gym who is naturally fit looking, who puts on muscle easily, and stays slim naturally. She eats like crap - never does cardio - and you would really never know it by looking at her. One day she said to me, "I think I need to start doing different stuff in the gym. It's ridiculous that I am as strong as I am, but get winded walking to the mailbox." Exactly.
I have to admit that I also have a hidden motive, too. More and more research is showing that high intensity bursts during workouts are a great way to break through plateaus, stimulate faster fat loss, and lose stubborn belly fat. Funny, considering that my belly fat is what has been holding me back (or...should I say, fear of belly fat in motion...lol!). Adding plyometric and other burst exercises in between lifting sets is a great way to incorporate high intensity exercises into a workout (or...it doesn't just have to be doing intervals on a cardio machine...which is something I will do but it really doesn't excite me in any way).
In the last post I talked about how try & try again isn't always appopriate in the gym. However, with endurance, high intensity and plyometrics, it is. More specifically, practice makes endurance. Two weeks ago I would get really winded halfway through a first set of plyometric exercises. Now it takes me until the third or fourth set. Progress.
There was a girl at the gym the other day doing bounding exercises - all the way up to four bounds with the highest boxes. Trish Warren-style. It was impressive. I introduced myself to her and complimented her on the bounding workout. Her reply, "I learned it through practice." I know not everyone knows what bounding is, so here is a video of it:
If at first you don't succeed...rest?
There are times in the gym when the try and try again motto just doesn't work. In the last post I talked about the desire to break 65 pound curls and how long it took me to break 125 on barbell bench press.
Monday I worked chest and back together. I was supersetting barbell chest press with T-bar rows when I realized that I had just pressed 125 for 10 - without a spot. So...I thought maybe I should go for 135 and see what happened. I grabbed a spot a proceeded to press 135 for 7 without assistance and 1 with assistance, for a total of 8.
When I stopped focusing on it and decided to rest for a while, I come back to it and it happens, seemingly without effort. I could have gone up from 135, I am sure, but I didn't. Go figure!
Monday I worked chest and back together. I was supersetting barbell chest press with T-bar rows when I realized that I had just pressed 125 for 10 - without a spot. So...I thought maybe I should go for 135 and see what happened. I grabbed a spot a proceeded to press 135 for 7 without assistance and 1 with assistance, for a total of 8.
When I stopped focusing on it and decided to rest for a while, I come back to it and it happens, seemingly without effort. I could have gone up from 135, I am sure, but I didn't. Go figure!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Define irony...
Irony: an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
Hmmmm.
As I wrote my last blog post, what I didn't say was that my wrist was hurting. I was being optimistic - thinking that maybe I had just tweeked it good the day before and would need to rest it for a day. Imagine my frustration when I finally carried myself to Doctor's Care on the following Sunday because I couldn't grip anything, I couldn't lift anything, and I any motion that required the use of my pinky or thumb resulted in excrutiating pain. It reminded me of the way my wrist felt when I hurt it trying to learn to snowboard.
Not knowing what was going on, I had all kinds of outcomes running through my head, most of which ending with me not being able to lift for a long period of time. I was absolutely convinced that I had a stress fracture. So off to Doctor's Care I went to receive my fate. After two days, a radiologist finally called them back, and they called me to deliver the good news...no fractures!! Yay! Wait...maybe yay? If not a fracture...then what?
The doctor said the next reasonable explanation would be tendonitis. I did what every health professional hates and set off to research it online. I found a lot of clinical information about elbow tendonitis - especially in relation to weight lifting - and a lot of information about Dequevains tendonitis (a form of wrist tendonitis common to new moms, but not relevant to me because it occurs in a different part of the wrist and hand) - but had a hard time finding information about possible issues with wrist tendonitis and weight lifting. As a result, I then resulted to the thing even I can't stand...blogs & blog posts.
A quick search of bodybuilding blogs revealed that this is something very common in the bodybuilding world. There were dozens of posts where people were asking if others had experienced the same thing. I started reading through them, but nothing jumped out at me as something that is relevant to my training. Until I came across one where the first person to respond to the blog question said something about developing tendonitis from EZ bar curls. As I read through this post, person after person stated that they had been forced to stop doing EZ Bar curls because they developed tendonitis or sharp wrist pain as a result. In case you are missing it....this is the ironic part. If you don't know what I am talking about...read my last post. Or read on.
EZ Bar curls have been my nemesis. At least, moving up to curling 70lb EZ bar curls has been. This is also the case with barbell curls, too. I just have not been able to break that 65 pound mark. And I had taken a break from them for two weeks (as of my last post), but I had still done the same motion trying to power through cable curls.
Another common theme in this post was that people were saying they had been forced to stop doing close grip barbell presses for the same reason. I had not been doing close grip presses for a while, but in the previous two weeks had added it back into my tricep workout regimen. It seems as though both of these, or a combination of, may have been the culprit.
After taking a week off from the gym (save for two days where I killed legs and did some cardio), I started back with weights last week. First day I did shoulders. My wrist was a little tender, but I went light and there were no residual problems post workout. Second day I normally would have done arms, but decided to skip arms for the week...so I did back. No problems with wide-grip lat pulldowns or wide grip seated row. Couldn't pull weight with a reverse grip...either lat pulldown or barbell rows, but was able to do standard grip barbell rows with no major issues. Third day was leg day, so no issues there (although I did one hella crazy leg workout that day...I went straight past wanting to throw up to almost passing out...it was great!). Fourth day was chest and no issues there - even on heavier presses to failure. I was really surprised by this. I thought for sure I would feel something in my wrist on chest day, but I made it through a fairly heavy day with no issues. Then came Saturday. I was going to just do cardio, but I just couldn't let the week go by without doing arms. I went to the EZ Bar stand, determined to test this theory. I decided to go light - 30 lbs - and 4 or 5 reps in, a shooting pain through my wrist and down my arm. I widened my grip to the outer part of the curve, with the same result. I widened my grip even more - to the staright part of the bar. Same result. I moved on to incline dumbbell curls. Decided to go light - 15 lbs - to see how it felt. No pain. Up to 20...no pain. 25...no pain. Moved to hammer curls...same thing...up to 35 lbs with no pain. As a result, I felt brave and decided to try cable curls. Straight bar...shooting pain at 10 lbs (warm up weight...no good). Curl bar....shooting pain. Reverse grip...shooting pain. Alternating one arm cable curls...no pain. Agh! Dumbbells and one arm exercises it is for a while.
Why is this irony? Because I was so focused on trying to break 70 lbs on the EZ bar/barbell curls. I wanted that so bad. Now I can't even lift 30 pounds! Ha! Oh, the irony.
As a final note: I did a tricep circuit immediately following the bicep workout. Skull crushers...no problem. Overhead dumbbell extentions...no problem. Tricep kickbacks...bench dips with my legs elevated...1-arm reverse grip cable extensions...no problem. I did not try close grip presses or two armed reverse grip extension, as I knew they would be problematic, but was I was happy to get through everything else without issue.
Irony: an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
Guess it's time to change my expectations.
Hmmmm.
As I wrote my last blog post, what I didn't say was that my wrist was hurting. I was being optimistic - thinking that maybe I had just tweeked it good the day before and would need to rest it for a day. Imagine my frustration when I finally carried myself to Doctor's Care on the following Sunday because I couldn't grip anything, I couldn't lift anything, and I any motion that required the use of my pinky or thumb resulted in excrutiating pain. It reminded me of the way my wrist felt when I hurt it trying to learn to snowboard.
Not knowing what was going on, I had all kinds of outcomes running through my head, most of which ending with me not being able to lift for a long period of time. I was absolutely convinced that I had a stress fracture. So off to Doctor's Care I went to receive my fate. After two days, a radiologist finally called them back, and they called me to deliver the good news...no fractures!! Yay! Wait...maybe yay? If not a fracture...then what?
The doctor said the next reasonable explanation would be tendonitis. I did what every health professional hates and set off to research it online. I found a lot of clinical information about elbow tendonitis - especially in relation to weight lifting - and a lot of information about Dequevains tendonitis (a form of wrist tendonitis common to new moms, but not relevant to me because it occurs in a different part of the wrist and hand) - but had a hard time finding information about possible issues with wrist tendonitis and weight lifting. As a result, I then resulted to the thing even I can't stand...blogs & blog posts.
A quick search of bodybuilding blogs revealed that this is something very common in the bodybuilding world. There were dozens of posts where people were asking if others had experienced the same thing. I started reading through them, but nothing jumped out at me as something that is relevant to my training. Until I came across one where the first person to respond to the blog question said something about developing tendonitis from EZ bar curls. As I read through this post, person after person stated that they had been forced to stop doing EZ Bar curls because they developed tendonitis or sharp wrist pain as a result. In case you are missing it....this is the ironic part. If you don't know what I am talking about...read my last post. Or read on.
EZ Bar curls have been my nemesis. At least, moving up to curling 70lb EZ bar curls has been. This is also the case with barbell curls, too. I just have not been able to break that 65 pound mark. And I had taken a break from them for two weeks (as of my last post), but I had still done the same motion trying to power through cable curls.
Another common theme in this post was that people were saying they had been forced to stop doing close grip barbell presses for the same reason. I had not been doing close grip presses for a while, but in the previous two weeks had added it back into my tricep workout regimen. It seems as though both of these, or a combination of, may have been the culprit.
After taking a week off from the gym (save for two days where I killed legs and did some cardio), I started back with weights last week. First day I did shoulders. My wrist was a little tender, but I went light and there were no residual problems post workout. Second day I normally would have done arms, but decided to skip arms for the week...so I did back. No problems with wide-grip lat pulldowns or wide grip seated row. Couldn't pull weight with a reverse grip...either lat pulldown or barbell rows, but was able to do standard grip barbell rows with no major issues. Third day was leg day, so no issues there (although I did one hella crazy leg workout that day...I went straight past wanting to throw up to almost passing out...it was great!). Fourth day was chest and no issues there - even on heavier presses to failure. I was really surprised by this. I thought for sure I would feel something in my wrist on chest day, but I made it through a fairly heavy day with no issues. Then came Saturday. I was going to just do cardio, but I just couldn't let the week go by without doing arms. I went to the EZ Bar stand, determined to test this theory. I decided to go light - 30 lbs - and 4 or 5 reps in, a shooting pain through my wrist and down my arm. I widened my grip to the outer part of the curve, with the same result. I widened my grip even more - to the staright part of the bar. Same result. I moved on to incline dumbbell curls. Decided to go light - 15 lbs - to see how it felt. No pain. Up to 20...no pain. 25...no pain. Moved to hammer curls...same thing...up to 35 lbs with no pain. As a result, I felt brave and decided to try cable curls. Straight bar...shooting pain at 10 lbs (warm up weight...no good). Curl bar....shooting pain. Reverse grip...shooting pain. Alternating one arm cable curls...no pain. Agh! Dumbbells and one arm exercises it is for a while.
Why is this irony? Because I was so focused on trying to break 70 lbs on the EZ bar/barbell curls. I wanted that so bad. Now I can't even lift 30 pounds! Ha! Oh, the irony.
As a final note: I did a tricep circuit immediately following the bicep workout. Skull crushers...no problem. Overhead dumbbell extentions...no problem. Tricep kickbacks...bench dips with my legs elevated...1-arm reverse grip cable extensions...no problem. I did not try close grip presses or two armed reverse grip extension, as I knew they would be problematic, but was I was happy to get through everything else without issue.
Irony: an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
Guess it's time to change my expectations.
Friday, September 23, 2011
About progress...
What is progress? I like to think of it as any movement in the right direction. But given that direction is determined by each individual, then I guess progress is whatever you want it to be.
For me, progress in the gym or with my health isn't determined by one factor, but many. This helps me when things do not go overall as I hoped they would. Take, for example, the last 5 months. If my only goal had been scale weight, I would have been sorely disappointed. Where I am, scale weight IS relevant. I am carrying extra weight from having a baby (or, should I tell the truth, from letting my self totally go while I was pregnant with said baby) and to lose that weight would require a drop in the scale. BUT....that scale weight isn't everything.
Now that the scale weight is finally in a downward trend, I feel like I can write about this. Before I talked about this, but for me, the scale weight was the elephant in the living room I didn't want to address. I have written about the nutrition issues in the last two blogs and my love of working out in earlier entries, so I am not going to rehash them all here in detail. But, although I was making progress in other areas, the scale weight became a focus for me (even if that focus was avoiding the scale like the plague). I am finally seeing progress in that area - down 10.8 pounds as of today. Which further reinforces that nutrition really is the majority of the equation.
Back to the scale weight not being everything.... I have also started seeing a change in the measurement tape, which also makes me happy.This also means that I have been able to wear a few of my old shirts, which adds some variety back into my wardrobe. I'm still working on the pants, but I can see that we will get there soon, so I have hope. I can see the outline of my hard earned muscle. I really love this. I know the muscle is there. Not only do I work hard for it, but I can also feel it. Oh, how I have missed that feeling!
The big thing for me is my strength. It has exploded recently and I am getting back to my pre-pregnancy strength...and more, in some cases. One thing that has frustrated me is my inability to really increase weight on my bench press. Not too long after getting back into the gym, I was up to 125 on my press, but I just couldn't get past there for some reason. I desperately just wanted to get to where I could put the 45s on the bar (yes, it's an ego thing!), but week after week, I found myself burning out at 125 and not being able to get even 1 rep out at 135. I especially found this odd since I have been increasing my flat bench dumbbell press over time - finally beating my pre-pregnancy weight (I pressed 60 lb dumbbells for 2 assisted the day before I found out I was pregnant - two weekends ago I pressed 60 for 4 unassisted and 2 more assisted). Last weekend I finally pressed 135 on barbell press - for 4 unassisted and 2 assisted. That put a big smile on my face for sure! JP just rolled his eyes as I did my own private version of a happy dance. Lol.
Another happy moment...when I pulled 125 on 1-arm Hammer Strength lat pulldowns last week! I had bruises on my wrists for two days from my straps, but it was so worth it! I pulled both arms for 6 reps each. I was doing pyramid sets, so I also pulled 115 with each arm for 10 in the set before and after. Then I pulled a full 135 on 1-arm wide grip Hammer Strength seated rows. I loved having those three plates on each side. I felt like a big girl! Ha! That one was a little more challenging because the seat sits so far off of the ground that I couldn't tighten my strap without a spot, so I had to grab one of the trainers to spot me, but I pulled that for each arm with one. Pre-pregnancy I got up to 115 on the seated row, so this is a significant improvement. However, my back is one of my strongest areas, so I have seen the greatest improvement in strength in all of my back exercises overall.
An area that I am still stuck is EZ Bar bicep curls. I have been trying to move up to 70 pounds for what feels like forever. As a result, I haven't done curls with any bar for the last two weeks. Four weeks ago I curled 65 on the barbell, so I was hoping I could hit 70 the next week. Not so much. I finally decided that I was focusing on it too hard, so I have stuck to using the EZ bar and straight bar on cable curls. I did finally get back up to curling 35 lb dumbbells this week, which satisfied me. This was my prepregnancy weight, so I am happy to be back there. Maybe I'll go back to the EZ Bar rack this week, and who knows? This might be my week.
Finally, endurance was something I wanted to see improvement in. I am slowly seeing improvement in my endurance on power exercises, as well as high intensity interval training, which I do 1-2 times per week right now. I also pick a day to do endurance exercises in between work sets lifting. Yesterday I did box jumps in between squat sets and reverse step ups in a circuit with good mornings and dead lifts to really work my glutes/hamstrings. I don't want to even talk about how much I can sweat (something that didn't happen before I had a baby), but there is no doubt I'm working hard! :) As I lose weight, adding plyometrics will get easier, and my endurance will increase. I am nowhere near where I was prepregnancy in this area, but I can see a lot of improvement. This is probably the area I have the most resistance to, and have force myself to focus on, since it is the area that I truly lost the most by letting myself go throughout my pregnancy. Now that doing a round of intervals or plyometrics doesn't automatically make me feel like I am going to pass out, I have to admit that I am actually starting to enjoy it again (not a lot, but a little is progress).
I guess the overarching theme for me this week is that I am finally seeing progress in all areas. So I am content. And tired. Lol.
For me, progress in the gym or with my health isn't determined by one factor, but many. This helps me when things do not go overall as I hoped they would. Take, for example, the last 5 months. If my only goal had been scale weight, I would have been sorely disappointed. Where I am, scale weight IS relevant. I am carrying extra weight from having a baby (or, should I tell the truth, from letting my self totally go while I was pregnant with said baby) and to lose that weight would require a drop in the scale. BUT....that scale weight isn't everything.
Now that the scale weight is finally in a downward trend, I feel like I can write about this. Before I talked about this, but for me, the scale weight was the elephant in the living room I didn't want to address. I have written about the nutrition issues in the last two blogs and my love of working out in earlier entries, so I am not going to rehash them all here in detail. But, although I was making progress in other areas, the scale weight became a focus for me (even if that focus was avoiding the scale like the plague). I am finally seeing progress in that area - down 10.8 pounds as of today. Which further reinforces that nutrition really is the majority of the equation.
Back to the scale weight not being everything.... I have also started seeing a change in the measurement tape, which also makes me happy.This also means that I have been able to wear a few of my old shirts, which adds some variety back into my wardrobe. I'm still working on the pants, but I can see that we will get there soon, so I have hope. I can see the outline of my hard earned muscle. I really love this. I know the muscle is there. Not only do I work hard for it, but I can also feel it. Oh, how I have missed that feeling!
The big thing for me is my strength. It has exploded recently and I am getting back to my pre-pregnancy strength...and more, in some cases. One thing that has frustrated me is my inability to really increase weight on my bench press. Not too long after getting back into the gym, I was up to 125 on my press, but I just couldn't get past there for some reason. I desperately just wanted to get to where I could put the 45s on the bar (yes, it's an ego thing!), but week after week, I found myself burning out at 125 and not being able to get even 1 rep out at 135. I especially found this odd since I have been increasing my flat bench dumbbell press over time - finally beating my pre-pregnancy weight (I pressed 60 lb dumbbells for 2 assisted the day before I found out I was pregnant - two weekends ago I pressed 60 for 4 unassisted and 2 more assisted). Last weekend I finally pressed 135 on barbell press - for 4 unassisted and 2 assisted. That put a big smile on my face for sure! JP just rolled his eyes as I did my own private version of a happy dance. Lol.
Another happy moment...when I pulled 125 on 1-arm Hammer Strength lat pulldowns last week! I had bruises on my wrists for two days from my straps, but it was so worth it! I pulled both arms for 6 reps each. I was doing pyramid sets, so I also pulled 115 with each arm for 10 in the set before and after. Then I pulled a full 135 on 1-arm wide grip Hammer Strength seated rows. I loved having those three plates on each side. I felt like a big girl! Ha! That one was a little more challenging because the seat sits so far off of the ground that I couldn't tighten my strap without a spot, so I had to grab one of the trainers to spot me, but I pulled that for each arm with one. Pre-pregnancy I got up to 115 on the seated row, so this is a significant improvement. However, my back is one of my strongest areas, so I have seen the greatest improvement in strength in all of my back exercises overall.
An area that I am still stuck is EZ Bar bicep curls. I have been trying to move up to 70 pounds for what feels like forever. As a result, I haven't done curls with any bar for the last two weeks. Four weeks ago I curled 65 on the barbell, so I was hoping I could hit 70 the next week. Not so much. I finally decided that I was focusing on it too hard, so I have stuck to using the EZ bar and straight bar on cable curls. I did finally get back up to curling 35 lb dumbbells this week, which satisfied me. This was my prepregnancy weight, so I am happy to be back there. Maybe I'll go back to the EZ Bar rack this week, and who knows? This might be my week.
Finally, endurance was something I wanted to see improvement in. I am slowly seeing improvement in my endurance on power exercises, as well as high intensity interval training, which I do 1-2 times per week right now. I also pick a day to do endurance exercises in between work sets lifting. Yesterday I did box jumps in between squat sets and reverse step ups in a circuit with good mornings and dead lifts to really work my glutes/hamstrings. I don't want to even talk about how much I can sweat (something that didn't happen before I had a baby), but there is no doubt I'm working hard! :) As I lose weight, adding plyometrics will get easier, and my endurance will increase. I am nowhere near where I was prepregnancy in this area, but I can see a lot of improvement. This is probably the area I have the most resistance to, and have force myself to focus on, since it is the area that I truly lost the most by letting myself go throughout my pregnancy. Now that doing a round of intervals or plyometrics doesn't automatically make me feel like I am going to pass out, I have to admit that I am actually starting to enjoy it again (not a lot, but a little is progress).
I guess the overarching theme for me this week is that I am finally seeing progress in all areas. So I am content. And tired. Lol.
Friday, September 9, 2011
It really is all about nutrition...
There was once a time when I HAD to have a Diet Coke a day. And that was limiting myself. I genuinely was addicted to it. Before I got pregnant, I would have one every day for lunch. I had to drink 150 ounces of water a day to have it, so I had 150 ounces of water a day so I could have a Diet Coke. Then I got pregnant and anything with artificial sweeteners in them made me very ill. I have had one Diet Coke...no...make that two Diet Cokes since I was about 6 weeks pregnant. I look back on that and wonder how I ever drank it constantly. And I can't imagine life without water. I literally drink 150+ ounces of water per day. And that is a conservative estimate. I LOVE water. I literally cannot live without it. I feel like a slug on the days I don't drink much. Which is one lesson I have learned. Water is an essential element to include for my body to perform optimally.
Another lesson I have learned is that eating too much of even the good stuff is still too much. Over time, my house has become the house I always hated. Little to no processed foods. Fresh, organic (as much as possible, anyway) fruits and vegetables. Lean meats. Green juicing and smoothies. No sweets and crappy snacks. I even puree all of Jenna's baby food and take water from our specialized cooler to day care for her. In spite of all of this, I still couldn't lose weight. It was driving me crazy (and JP, too). I kept my head in the sand, telling myself that eating like this in and of itself was enough. And for the vast majority of the population, it is. But not for me.
I was at a loss as to why I couldn't lose weight (or inches, as a scale weight really isn't a measure of anything but loss of mass). I was very specific about what I would eat, even timing my meals (I even schedule clients at work around my meal timing). I was doing so many things that so many people don't do and I still wasn't seeing results. I started feeling frustrated. I told JP over and over that something had to be wrong. Back in the day, I used to eat out almost every meal (seriously) and when I wanted to lose weight, I would do a little cardio and find myself back where I wanted to be (or on the road to it). I had tests run by my doctor. All normal. People kept telling me to give myself time - that maybe I was being too hard on myself after having a baby. I don't I have unrealistic expectations - not having results proportional to the work being done would frustrate anyone.
So....when I finally sat down and entered all of my food into a daily food log, accounting for every little thing, including oils I used to cook with, I was shocked at how many calories I was taking in. I was good about weighing out portions - as stated in the last post - based on a past eating plan (that was more appropriate to my then heavily muscular frame rather than my now...ummmm...not as muscular frame). I was diligent about eating what I had planned and not varying outside of that. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have the discipline. And I am committed to the lifesytle. I don't white knuckle my way through clean eating like a lot of people do. I feel it when I have a cheat meal. And feeling it isn't a good thing.
What am I doing now that is working? Honestly, it's a combination of things. I want to eat in a way that allows me to continue to put on lean muscle mass while losing fat. When doing this, all calories are NOT created equally. What we finally did was:
The final result of the above formulation is a maximum of 2000 calories, 150 grams of carbs, 200 grams of protein and 66 grams of fat per day. Note: this is a maximum amount. To monitor this, I reactivated a SparkPeople account and started on there. It really is a good way of tracking your nutrition and fitness and it's free. To check it out, go to: SparkPeople
I determined a minimum for each and set a min/max scale on my SparkPeople account, and it tells me how I fall within that scale as I enter food in. I plan my entire day ahead of time, as I have found that meal planning ahead of time prevents pitfalls later. As a result, I determine my meals for the next day and prep all of my food/meals the night before.
I started my new breakdown this past Monday, and for the first time since Jenna was 2 months old, the scale dropped this week! With everything else I have done, the scale has literally stayed within 4 ounces (no kidding). Talk about frustrating. Of course, I am in my first week of this, so we will see what will happen over time, but I am very encouraged by this. Of course, at the end of each week I will need to do a new BMR calculation and adjust my breakdowns accordingly, but still, imagine my excitement when I saw the number drop....for the first time in months...after all of this work...and tweeking of my diet! Woohoo!
A final note: I get most carbohydrates through fibrous vegetables. I alternate eating a half of an Ezekial Raisin Muffin for breakfast one morning and 1/2 cup of rolled oats the next, as well as have one piece of Ezekiel Low-Sodium Bread with lunch. The only processed foods we have in our diet is Greek yogurt and Truvia with coffee (and coffee, I guess), as well as our supplements and protein powder. We use almond milk in place of real dairy and no more than one full egg for any recipe. No processed egg whites - we decided to pay the money for real eggs and use the whites from those. All of these decisions have a huge impact in terms of long-term health. And it also makes it very difficult to meet the caloric and macronutrient breakdowns without eating tons of food. Who doesn't like that?!?
Another lesson I have learned is that eating too much of even the good stuff is still too much. Over time, my house has become the house I always hated. Little to no processed foods. Fresh, organic (as much as possible, anyway) fruits and vegetables. Lean meats. Green juicing and smoothies. No sweets and crappy snacks. I even puree all of Jenna's baby food and take water from our specialized cooler to day care for her. In spite of all of this, I still couldn't lose weight. It was driving me crazy (and JP, too). I kept my head in the sand, telling myself that eating like this in and of itself was enough. And for the vast majority of the population, it is. But not for me.
I was at a loss as to why I couldn't lose weight (or inches, as a scale weight really isn't a measure of anything but loss of mass). I was very specific about what I would eat, even timing my meals (I even schedule clients at work around my meal timing). I was doing so many things that so many people don't do and I still wasn't seeing results. I started feeling frustrated. I told JP over and over that something had to be wrong. Back in the day, I used to eat out almost every meal (seriously) and when I wanted to lose weight, I would do a little cardio and find myself back where I wanted to be (or on the road to it). I had tests run by my doctor. All normal. People kept telling me to give myself time - that maybe I was being too hard on myself after having a baby. I don't I have unrealistic expectations - not having results proportional to the work being done would frustrate anyone.
So....when I finally sat down and entered all of my food into a daily food log, accounting for every little thing, including oils I used to cook with, I was shocked at how many calories I was taking in. I was good about weighing out portions - as stated in the last post - based on a past eating plan (that was more appropriate to my then heavily muscular frame rather than my now...ummmm...not as muscular frame). I was diligent about eating what I had planned and not varying outside of that. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have the discipline. And I am committed to the lifesytle. I don't white knuckle my way through clean eating like a lot of people do. I feel it when I have a cheat meal. And feeling it isn't a good thing.
What am I doing now that is working? Honestly, it's a combination of things. I want to eat in a way that allows me to continue to put on lean muscle mass while losing fat. When doing this, all calories are NOT created equally. What we finally did was:
- Calculate my basal metabolic rate. Basal metabolic rate is the amount of calories you would expend just doing nothing. Here is a BMR calculator: BMR Calculator
- Applied the Harris Benedict Equation to determine my daily caloric needs. Here is the Harris Benedict Equation formulation chart: Harris Benedict Equation Chart
- From there we determined a nutrition caloric deficit amount, which would be the total amount of calories I would take in daily. My caloric needs are around 2600, so I went for 2000 calories per day.
- First, I had to decide what percentage I wanted for my macronutrient breakdown. I decided to go 40/30/30 with protein/carbs/fat.
- Then we determined 40% of 2000 (800) and 30% of 2000 (600).
- Carbs and proteins are worth 4 calories each, so we divided 600/4 to determine my maximum carb intake for the day (150) and 800/4 to determine my maximum protein intake for the day (200)
- Fats are worth 9 calorie, so we divided 600/9 to determine my maximum fate intake per day (66)
The final result of the above formulation is a maximum of 2000 calories, 150 grams of carbs, 200 grams of protein and 66 grams of fat per day. Note: this is a maximum amount. To monitor this, I reactivated a SparkPeople account and started on there. It really is a good way of tracking your nutrition and fitness and it's free. To check it out, go to: SparkPeople
I determined a minimum for each and set a min/max scale on my SparkPeople account, and it tells me how I fall within that scale as I enter food in. I plan my entire day ahead of time, as I have found that meal planning ahead of time prevents pitfalls later. As a result, I determine my meals for the next day and prep all of my food/meals the night before.
I started my new breakdown this past Monday, and for the first time since Jenna was 2 months old, the scale dropped this week! With everything else I have done, the scale has literally stayed within 4 ounces (no kidding). Talk about frustrating. Of course, I am in my first week of this, so we will see what will happen over time, but I am very encouraged by this. Of course, at the end of each week I will need to do a new BMR calculation and adjust my breakdowns accordingly, but still, imagine my excitement when I saw the number drop....for the first time in months...after all of this work...and tweeking of my diet! Woohoo!
A final note: I get most carbohydrates through fibrous vegetables. I alternate eating a half of an Ezekial Raisin Muffin for breakfast one morning and 1/2 cup of rolled oats the next, as well as have one piece of Ezekiel Low-Sodium Bread with lunch. The only processed foods we have in our diet is Greek yogurt and Truvia with coffee (and coffee, I guess), as well as our supplements and protein powder. We use almond milk in place of real dairy and no more than one full egg for any recipe. No processed egg whites - we decided to pay the money for real eggs and use the whites from those. All of these decisions have a huge impact in terms of long-term health. And it also makes it very difficult to meet the caloric and macronutrient breakdowns without eating tons of food. Who doesn't like that?!?
It's been a while...
Wow. I didn't realize how long it's been since I have posted here! There just isn't enough time in the day...
I just went back and read my last two posts. I had a friend tell me it wasn't fair to attack WW like I did, since it works for so many people. Her point was that WW (and programs like it) encourage people to be healthier where they are and within the confines of their willingness. And this is true. No doubt this is true. And we all where we are. One size certainly does not fit all. So, I will put down that fight. I didn't mean to offend, and if I offended, or worse, insulted progress that anyone has made under these programs, I truly apologize. Any step that a person can take toward being healthier is a step in the right direction. And many times these small steps do have a domino effect, resulting in even better decisions toward better health. That has been my experience, for sure. I have learned all of the lessons I have learned the hard way!
Speaking of lessons...I have learned another hard one. Damn you, calories! After having the baby, I started back where I left off. It only seemed to make sense. Only, I don't have the muscle mass I did then. I am carrying an extra 25 pounds. And I did exactly what I have been railing against...I fell back on something that has worked in the past, but didn't take the time to research how doing this might be self-sabotaging. Since I had Jenna, I have been extremely diligent with my commitment to working out and even to the way I was eating. Problem was that, even though I was eating clean, I was eating too much, resulting in too high of a caloric intake....and resulting in no weight loss. Another example of how eating too much of even "good" stuff can sabotage progress. It seems like every couple of weeks JP and I have sat down and tweeked my eating. Everytime I started out hopeful, but ended up frustrated after a week or two because the results I was seeing were not proportional to the work I put in. So, it seems as though we were constantly back to the drawing board.
The first thing most people would ask when this would come up is, "What about your workouts?" And then, "Maybe you need to lift weights less and do more cardio." And in theory this idea sounds good. In application, it's all wrong, especially for my goals. We looked over my workouts every time we sat down to tweek the nutrition plan and each time we agreed that my workout plan was on target. I could go more into it, but as I have said previously, my overall goal is not weight loss. Although weight loss (or, more accurately, fat loss) is one of my goals, another of my goals is lean muscle gain. As a result, cutting back on lifting and kicking up cardio would actually result in muscle wasting, resulting in a loss of lean muscle mass. And lean muscle loss over time actually decreases the amount of resting calories burned, decreasing the resting metabolic rate over time. Definitely not what I am looking to do.
Back to nutrition...well...it seems as though we have finally found a combination that works. I'll outline what this is in the next post, but I am happy that, after all of this hard work, I am starting to see some progress. :)
I just went back and read my last two posts. I had a friend tell me it wasn't fair to attack WW like I did, since it works for so many people. Her point was that WW (and programs like it) encourage people to be healthier where they are and within the confines of their willingness. And this is true. No doubt this is true. And we all where we are. One size certainly does not fit all. So, I will put down that fight. I didn't mean to offend, and if I offended, or worse, insulted progress that anyone has made under these programs, I truly apologize. Any step that a person can take toward being healthier is a step in the right direction. And many times these small steps do have a domino effect, resulting in even better decisions toward better health. That has been my experience, for sure. I have learned all of the lessons I have learned the hard way!
Speaking of lessons...I have learned another hard one. Damn you, calories! After having the baby, I started back where I left off. It only seemed to make sense. Only, I don't have the muscle mass I did then. I am carrying an extra 25 pounds. And I did exactly what I have been railing against...I fell back on something that has worked in the past, but didn't take the time to research how doing this might be self-sabotaging. Since I had Jenna, I have been extremely diligent with my commitment to working out and even to the way I was eating. Problem was that, even though I was eating clean, I was eating too much, resulting in too high of a caloric intake....and resulting in no weight loss. Another example of how eating too much of even "good" stuff can sabotage progress. It seems like every couple of weeks JP and I have sat down and tweeked my eating. Everytime I started out hopeful, but ended up frustrated after a week or two because the results I was seeing were not proportional to the work I put in. So, it seems as though we were constantly back to the drawing board.
The first thing most people would ask when this would come up is, "What about your workouts?" And then, "Maybe you need to lift weights less and do more cardio." And in theory this idea sounds good. In application, it's all wrong, especially for my goals. We looked over my workouts every time we sat down to tweek the nutrition plan and each time we agreed that my workout plan was on target. I could go more into it, but as I have said previously, my overall goal is not weight loss. Although weight loss (or, more accurately, fat loss) is one of my goals, another of my goals is lean muscle gain. As a result, cutting back on lifting and kicking up cardio would actually result in muscle wasting, resulting in a loss of lean muscle mass. And lean muscle loss over time actually decreases the amount of resting calories burned, decreasing the resting metabolic rate over time. Definitely not what I am looking to do.
Back to nutrition...well...it seems as though we have finally found a combination that works. I'll outline what this is in the next post, but I am happy that, after all of this hard work, I am starting to see some progress. :)
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Additional thoughts about "eating programs"...
If you are reading this without having first read the last blog post, then go read that one first and come back to this one.
I wrote my last post right as I was about to walk out of the door to go to the gym - which means I just had two hours at the gym to really process this topic and to expand more on it, as I feel I truly missed the real point of the topic in my last post. Let me explain...
We live in a culture that is both set on instant gratification and set in the way of learned helplessness. There is an expert on every corner for everything under the sun. At a time when we, more than ever before, can research things on our own, we assign that role to other people. And what do we get from that? The ability to not be responsible. If I depend on a program to tell me how to eat, then they are responsible when I fail. I won't say if I fail because the whole set up is done in such a way that the changes can't be permanent. I'm sorry to hammer on WW, but it truly is the worst offender - for many reasons. At least most of the others present the truth - they are based on medications or processed foods or something of the like, so there are no surprises when it comes out that it's somehow problematic. WW, on the other hand, convinces you to spend money to use their "expert" guidance when the information is readily available in 20 minutes or less on the internet. Seriously.
The other reason they are a worse offender is that is promotes dependency on their system without seeming to do so. At least with Jenny Craig someone can walk out with a weeks worth of meals to account for the money they spend. At Weight Watchers, they give you an outline of what you can and can't eat, but no insight as to why this is a better choice, therefore creating dependence. Yes, people who use WW make healthier choices - in theory - but they never learn why they are better choices, so the minute they can't log into the WW database for point values on food, they revert back to old eating habits (because this buffalo chicken salad with ranch dressing HAS to be better than a burger, right?) and find themselves back where they started. And because WW is what works (or so we think), once all of the weight is back on, then back to WW, lose the weight, and the cycle repeats - over and over and over.
Actually, I say that WW is the great offender, but in truth it is the WW consumer that is the worst offender. Without a consumer base, a product is nothing.
So, here we are, in a time and place where we can access more information then every before, and we dig our heads deeper in the sand. Why? Because when my health declines, or I find myself back in the same spot over and over again, I can put the responsibility somewhere other than the person staring back in the mirror. Of course, it's WW fault I have diabetes from eating unlimited fruit....they were the experts and should have known better than to give it a zero point value. Of course, it's the government's fault because they are the ones who regulate the food industry - and that is why...my kid is fat...and I have heart disease... and my mom has dementia/cancer/Parkinson's/etc and this person has this and that person has that....
I am a little fired up here, but this ignorance is real and it costs us billions in healthcare costs per year. And keeping us this way is a multi-billion dollar industry - food, medication, healthcare, supportive costs... If the system really protected us from these things, then how many people would be without a job and what an impact it would have on our economy. We have literally made a business out of being helpless. Think about it.
Have you ever taken the time to Google search each ingredient on your food label. For those who have kids, have you? Try it sometime. You might be every surprised at what you find. We are literally lab rats - consuming dozens of experimental products. And then wondering why we have the epidemics we have. I find it especially interesting that children's products are all processed, loaded with high fructose corn syrup and dyes, and no one has taken the time to determine whether this could be a factor in the rising rates of emotional and mental disorders in children....
At some point we have to take responsibility for this epidemic. To educate ourselves, stop eating crap, and definitely stop feeding it to our children. To stop expecting instant gratification and externalizing the blame when we suffer the resulting consequences. It shouldn't have to be, but being healthy in today's culture is WORK! It takes work. It takes commitment. It takes a willingness to educate yourself and go against the mainstream. It takes an understanding that lasting change usually isn't comfortable in the beginning - if it was it wouldn't last. Get it?
I wrote my last post right as I was about to walk out of the door to go to the gym - which means I just had two hours at the gym to really process this topic and to expand more on it, as I feel I truly missed the real point of the topic in my last post. Let me explain...
We live in a culture that is both set on instant gratification and set in the way of learned helplessness. There is an expert on every corner for everything under the sun. At a time when we, more than ever before, can research things on our own, we assign that role to other people. And what do we get from that? The ability to not be responsible. If I depend on a program to tell me how to eat, then they are responsible when I fail. I won't say if I fail because the whole set up is done in such a way that the changes can't be permanent. I'm sorry to hammer on WW, but it truly is the worst offender - for many reasons. At least most of the others present the truth - they are based on medications or processed foods or something of the like, so there are no surprises when it comes out that it's somehow problematic. WW, on the other hand, convinces you to spend money to use their "expert" guidance when the information is readily available in 20 minutes or less on the internet. Seriously.
The other reason they are a worse offender is that is promotes dependency on their system without seeming to do so. At least with Jenny Craig someone can walk out with a weeks worth of meals to account for the money they spend. At Weight Watchers, they give you an outline of what you can and can't eat, but no insight as to why this is a better choice, therefore creating dependence. Yes, people who use WW make healthier choices - in theory - but they never learn why they are better choices, so the minute they can't log into the WW database for point values on food, they revert back to old eating habits (because this buffalo chicken salad with ranch dressing HAS to be better than a burger, right?) and find themselves back where they started. And because WW is what works (or so we think), once all of the weight is back on, then back to WW, lose the weight, and the cycle repeats - over and over and over.
Actually, I say that WW is the great offender, but in truth it is the WW consumer that is the worst offender. Without a consumer base, a product is nothing.
So, here we are, in a time and place where we can access more information then every before, and we dig our heads deeper in the sand. Why? Because when my health declines, or I find myself back in the same spot over and over again, I can put the responsibility somewhere other than the person staring back in the mirror. Of course, it's WW fault I have diabetes from eating unlimited fruit....they were the experts and should have known better than to give it a zero point value. Of course, it's the government's fault because they are the ones who regulate the food industry - and that is why...my kid is fat...and I have heart disease... and my mom has dementia/cancer/Parkinson's/etc and this person has this and that person has that....
I am a little fired up here, but this ignorance is real and it costs us billions in healthcare costs per year. And keeping us this way is a multi-billion dollar industry - food, medication, healthcare, supportive costs... If the system really protected us from these things, then how many people would be without a job and what an impact it would have on our economy. We have literally made a business out of being helpless. Think about it.
Have you ever taken the time to Google search each ingredient on your food label. For those who have kids, have you? Try it sometime. You might be every surprised at what you find. We are literally lab rats - consuming dozens of experimental products. And then wondering why we have the epidemics we have. I find it especially interesting that children's products are all processed, loaded with high fructose corn syrup and dyes, and no one has taken the time to determine whether this could be a factor in the rising rates of emotional and mental disorders in children....
At some point we have to take responsibility for this epidemic. To educate ourselves, stop eating crap, and definitely stop feeding it to our children. To stop expecting instant gratification and externalizing the blame when we suffer the resulting consequences. It shouldn't have to be, but being healthy in today's culture is WORK! It takes work. It takes commitment. It takes a willingness to educate yourself and go against the mainstream. It takes an understanding that lasting change usually isn't comfortable in the beginning - if it was it wouldn't last. Get it?
Why eating programs are horrible...
Disclaimer: this is my opinion. It will piss some people off. And I'm okay with that. Just be forewarned that this is a rant and it might hit home.
Ok. I'm going to try to keep this simple. What makes programs like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Physician's Weight Loss Center, The Zone and other "diet" programs so successful? Lack of education. Seriously.
All the nutrition research you could ever need is easily available on the internet. It takes two seconds to figure out that more than a certain amount of fructose (i.e., fruit) is toxic, yet fruit is a "free" item on Weight Watchers, meaning it's participants can eat all they want. Other things that are readily available that go against the widely accepted ideals of nutrition: soy is toxic (a staple of vegetarian diets), processed foods are horrible (no matter what container they come in, even if it says Jenny Craig/Zone/Biggest Loser), even 100% wheat bread contains high fructose corn syrup (as does every other product in the word, hence the cravings people have for them), medications will never take the place of lifestyle change and only prolong the inevitable if no lifestyle change is made, people need at least a pound of greens a day to help keep blood alkaline and reduce their chances of cancer....I could keep going...
And speaking of cravings...if you eat a food you crave, it's probably not good for you. Alcoholics understand the concept that a craving is a toxic reaction, and this is the same for sugar, carbs, preservatives, and so on. As a result, moderation is a joke for me and the vast majority of the population. I'm not able to eat one Hersey's Kiss - even if my life depends on it. It sets off a craving and I obsess until I have another one, and another one, and another one. I know more people like me than otherwise. And for some people it's bread. Or butter. Or cheese. Or (insert your thing here). I have learned that when I eat for what my body needs, the foods that are right for me satisfy me, not leave me craving more. Just something to think about.
Which, for me, means that eating programs are a joke - and dangerous. And this is quite possible true for most people. They don't teach me to eat what I need for optimal functioning, and the foods I eat on them certainly don't satisfy me. In fact, my experience was that all the ones I tried left me forcing myself to eat that way for the result, but left me obsessing over what I can't have - or better - what I am trying to moderate.
Thank goodness I don't have to live like that today. With the help of some people in my network, I learned about what I needed for my optimal functioning, and developed a pattern of eating that meets that need. I can research what I need to do on my own, and consequently have an understanding of why I need to eat that way, which in turn means I internalize it rather than intellectualize it. As a result - no obsession - no cravings. And because I get what I need, I literally have to force myself to eat a cheat meal because I get no satisfaction from the crap. It really just makes me feel like crap.
Ok. I'm going to try to keep this simple. What makes programs like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Physician's Weight Loss Center, The Zone and other "diet" programs so successful? Lack of education. Seriously.
All the nutrition research you could ever need is easily available on the internet. It takes two seconds to figure out that more than a certain amount of fructose (i.e., fruit) is toxic, yet fruit is a "free" item on Weight Watchers, meaning it's participants can eat all they want. Other things that are readily available that go against the widely accepted ideals of nutrition: soy is toxic (a staple of vegetarian diets), processed foods are horrible (no matter what container they come in, even if it says Jenny Craig/Zone/Biggest Loser), even 100% wheat bread contains high fructose corn syrup (as does every other product in the word, hence the cravings people have for them), medications will never take the place of lifestyle change and only prolong the inevitable if no lifestyle change is made, people need at least a pound of greens a day to help keep blood alkaline and reduce their chances of cancer....I could keep going...
And speaking of cravings...if you eat a food you crave, it's probably not good for you. Alcoholics understand the concept that a craving is a toxic reaction, and this is the same for sugar, carbs, preservatives, and so on. As a result, moderation is a joke for me and the vast majority of the population. I'm not able to eat one Hersey's Kiss - even if my life depends on it. It sets off a craving and I obsess until I have another one, and another one, and another one. I know more people like me than otherwise. And for some people it's bread. Or butter. Or cheese. Or (insert your thing here). I have learned that when I eat for what my body needs, the foods that are right for me satisfy me, not leave me craving more. Just something to think about.
Which, for me, means that eating programs are a joke - and dangerous. And this is quite possible true for most people. They don't teach me to eat what I need for optimal functioning, and the foods I eat on them certainly don't satisfy me. In fact, my experience was that all the ones I tried left me forcing myself to eat that way for the result, but left me obsessing over what I can't have - or better - what I am trying to moderate.
Thank goodness I don't have to live like that today. With the help of some people in my network, I learned about what I needed for my optimal functioning, and developed a pattern of eating that meets that need. I can research what I need to do on my own, and consequently have an understanding of why I need to eat that way, which in turn means I internalize it rather than intellectualize it. As a result - no obsession - no cravings. And because I get what I need, I literally have to force myself to eat a cheat meal because I get no satisfaction from the crap. It really just makes me feel like crap.
Sometimes it's not easy...
To work it in - to work it out - to make it happen...
Sometimes life just happens. Making a change in lifestyle is a major commitment. People laugh at me sometimes because I will turn down invitations to do things because it coincides with the time I go to the gym - and I tell them why I can't come. Laugh as they will, it is my job to make it work. There is always something that can take precedence over my time in the gym - especially since it has to be immediately following work and before I pick Jenna up from daycare. There are times when something does need to go in place of that time in the gym, but very rarely. If it's my time just for that activity, I make it my time just for that activity.
Sometimes fatigue happens. Like this week, for example. I have been exhausted all week. I mean the "I am scheming ways to be able to be an hour late for work so I can sleep an extra hour, dammit!" kind of exhausted. That's not very conducive to a solid workout. So some days - and even some weeks - I just have to make myself get suited up and show up. And understand that some workout is better than none. It's quite interesting when your workout partner is in the same place. However, those are the times we can remind each other than we are human, and it's important to listen to our body and not always push it to the absolute limit...and that fatigue happens.
Sometimes burn out happens. For me, especially with diet. A quit aside about the word "diet" - I am not on a diet, I am using the word diet for my way of eating in general. Maybe nutrition would be a better word? Hmmmmm....I'll just use both. Sometimes eating the way I need to in order to produce the maximum results gets, well, exhausting. Like keeping the commitment to my gym time, eating can sometimes be disruptive to social functioning. For example, having to ask crazy specific details about what is in meals that friends might want to provide or trying to bring my own meals (so I don't have to ask) and having people look at me like I have three heads. Like the gym time, there is always going to be an excuse to not eat right. Marketers at work bring lunch all the time - I have a very active social network and everything we do has food involved - they always give us watermelons at work to kick off the official start of summer - someone has dessert for ny number of reasons - we have a couple of girls who visit a friend on Friday nights who owns a pizza joint - and so on and so on. What so many people don't understand is that the couple of pieces of fruit here, and sneaking a cookie there, and having a french fry here, and (insert whatever your thing is) there all add up to a whole lot of self-sabotage. As a result, I have to make eating my commitment. And if I am trying to make changes with my body - it's 90% nutrition anyway. :)
Sometimes life just happens. Making a change in lifestyle is a major commitment. People laugh at me sometimes because I will turn down invitations to do things because it coincides with the time I go to the gym - and I tell them why I can't come. Laugh as they will, it is my job to make it work. There is always something that can take precedence over my time in the gym - especially since it has to be immediately following work and before I pick Jenna up from daycare. There are times when something does need to go in place of that time in the gym, but very rarely. If it's my time just for that activity, I make it my time just for that activity.
Sometimes fatigue happens. Like this week, for example. I have been exhausted all week. I mean the "I am scheming ways to be able to be an hour late for work so I can sleep an extra hour, dammit!" kind of exhausted. That's not very conducive to a solid workout. So some days - and even some weeks - I just have to make myself get suited up and show up. And understand that some workout is better than none. It's quite interesting when your workout partner is in the same place. However, those are the times we can remind each other than we are human, and it's important to listen to our body and not always push it to the absolute limit...and that fatigue happens.
Sometimes burn out happens. For me, especially with diet. A quit aside about the word "diet" - I am not on a diet, I am using the word diet for my way of eating in general. Maybe nutrition would be a better word? Hmmmmm....I'll just use both. Sometimes eating the way I need to in order to produce the maximum results gets, well, exhausting. Like keeping the commitment to my gym time, eating can sometimes be disruptive to social functioning. For example, having to ask crazy specific details about what is in meals that friends might want to provide or trying to bring my own meals (so I don't have to ask) and having people look at me like I have three heads. Like the gym time, there is always going to be an excuse to not eat right. Marketers at work bring lunch all the time - I have a very active social network and everything we do has food involved - they always give us watermelons at work to kick off the official start of summer - someone has dessert for ny number of reasons - we have a couple of girls who visit a friend on Friday nights who owns a pizza joint - and so on and so on. What so many people don't understand is that the couple of pieces of fruit here, and sneaking a cookie there, and having a french fry here, and (insert whatever your thing is) there all add up to a whole lot of self-sabotage. As a result, I have to make eating my commitment. And if I am trying to make changes with my body - it's 90% nutrition anyway. :)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Oh yeah!
Did I tell you guys that having a workout partner makes all the difference in the world?!? Just wanted to make sure I reiterated that part! :)
Killed shoulders and back! Not that I don't kill everything else, but having someone there with you to help you keep going and to spot you makes such a difference. If you don't believe me, just try it!
Killed shoulders and back! Not that I don't kill everything else, but having someone there with you to help you keep going and to spot you makes such a difference. If you don't believe me, just try it!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
An additional thought about accountability...
For me, having a workout partner = accountability in this journey. Without a workout partner, I would not be able to do what I need to do to progress.
Examples:
:)
Examples:
- Getting back into the gym, my muscles have had to learn to balance again - especially with dumbbell exercises. Having a workout partner helps me maintain good form while my muscle memory kicks back in. Also helps me keep good form as I increase the weight I lift.
- Having a workout partner helps me push past where I can get to alone. Last weekend I was doing flat bench press - and JP was spotting me - and I was able to lift more weight because I had him there to help me.
- Having a workout partner helps me save face. Chest burns out fast, and I have had to yell for a spot when I burned out and couldn't rack the weight on my own. It's quite embarrassing...
- And finally, it helps me push myself beyond the point where I want to stop. Similar to being able to push more weight, but not the same. As an illustration - last night I was working quads. I started on V-Squat. I started light and worked my way up and then did drop sets - for a total of 2 warm up sets, 5 work sets and 7 drop sets (132 reps total). Then I went to the leg extension and, 10 reps at a time per leg, I worked my weight up and then finished out with drop sets - for a total of 2 warm up sets, 4 work sets and 6 drop sets (130 reps total per leg - 260 total combined). I finished out with barbell squats - which were my burn out work sets. Because I didn't have a workout partner at the gym last night, I asked someone to spot me because I needed to make sure I could stay upright (and not teeter over). As a result, I was able to complete my burn out sets and move beyond what I would have done by myself (left to my own devices, I would have stopped after leg extensions!). My muscles were done - my squads were shaking and my last rep was truly the last one I could do.
:)
The value of accountability...
I have mentioned in recent posts that I started strong, slacked off some and now I am back in it strong again. At first, getting back in the gym helped restore a bit of my sanity while I was out on maternity leave. But then I went back to work, and the pinched nerve became an issue, and there is always trying to take care of the baby, keep the house up, keep with regular commitments, and so on, to try to juggle with everything.... In the end life became overwhelming very fast and it was easy to lose sight of the goal of being in the gym. I really, really needed some accountability.
I wanted to get to the gym, and finally asked JP to help me make time (accountability action #1). And I started going (accountability action #2), but missed having a workout partner. Before I had JP and another female friend as workout partners. With JP and I switching off taking care of the baby, he's not usually able to come with me. My other old workout partner and I have been working out at different times and places, so trying to catch up was difficult. As a woman who likes to bodybuild, finding another female workout partner who has the same goals and workout schedule is damn near impossible. Finally, my old partner reached out and said she needed a workout partner, so we met one Sunday and worked shoulders together, and I remembered how well we worked together. We made an agreement to try to make it work by having me workout with her at the gym where her and JP work a few times a week (accountability action#3).
Our schedules are such that we have not been able to work out together for the past two weeks, but just knowing I have a workout partner has gotten me back on track. I've been 5 days a week for the past three weeks and eating clean again for the past 2 weeks. And since I am down to 2 days a week at the chiropractor, I have two afternoons a week available to work out with her at Body Tech. As a result, we are getting together to work shoulders today, which I am excited about!
The point of all this is that my experience has been that accountability is essential. First, it helps me go even on those days when I'm feeling exhausted - like I did last night (but I still went and had a killer quad workout). Second, it helps me stay on task when I am there. And third, it always keeps me pushing past where I would go if I didn't have a partner (both because of having someone to push me, but also having someone to spot me!).
I have motivation, I have a vision of what changes I want to see in my body (and the way I view/treat myself), and I love working out. I have all of these things, and more, and I still have to find ways to be accountable. It is what makes it work best for me in the long run, and I have had to find the level of accountibility that works for me.
Which leaves me with a question for you. I don't do this often, but I want to challenge you to find what level of accountability you need for you. This is necessary for all areas of life - whether working out in the gym, staying committed to your faith, finding ways to live a more productive, healthy life - what level of accountability do you have in place to keep you on point? Because, no matter how much you love, what level of motivation, what feeling of desire - there will come a time that, without accountability, you will falter, or burn out, or find an excuse not to. Accountability is not weakness. It is strength. It is part of the solution to the problem - whatever that problem may be. It is understanding that someone can help you, push you, make you better than you can do on your own. So....I'll ask again...what do you do to be accountable?
I wanted to get to the gym, and finally asked JP to help me make time (accountability action #1). And I started going (accountability action #2), but missed having a workout partner. Before I had JP and another female friend as workout partners. With JP and I switching off taking care of the baby, he's not usually able to come with me. My other old workout partner and I have been working out at different times and places, so trying to catch up was difficult. As a woman who likes to bodybuild, finding another female workout partner who has the same goals and workout schedule is damn near impossible. Finally, my old partner reached out and said she needed a workout partner, so we met one Sunday and worked shoulders together, and I remembered how well we worked together. We made an agreement to try to make it work by having me workout with her at the gym where her and JP work a few times a week (accountability action#3).
Our schedules are such that we have not been able to work out together for the past two weeks, but just knowing I have a workout partner has gotten me back on track. I've been 5 days a week for the past three weeks and eating clean again for the past 2 weeks. And since I am down to 2 days a week at the chiropractor, I have two afternoons a week available to work out with her at Body Tech. As a result, we are getting together to work shoulders today, which I am excited about!
The point of all this is that my experience has been that accountability is essential. First, it helps me go even on those days when I'm feeling exhausted - like I did last night (but I still went and had a killer quad workout). Second, it helps me stay on task when I am there. And third, it always keeps me pushing past where I would go if I didn't have a partner (both because of having someone to push me, but also having someone to spot me!).
I have motivation, I have a vision of what changes I want to see in my body (and the way I view/treat myself), and I love working out. I have all of these things, and more, and I still have to find ways to be accountable. It is what makes it work best for me in the long run, and I have had to find the level of accountibility that works for me.
Which leaves me with a question for you. I don't do this often, but I want to challenge you to find what level of accountability you need for you. This is necessary for all areas of life - whether working out in the gym, staying committed to your faith, finding ways to live a more productive, healthy life - what level of accountability do you have in place to keep you on point? Because, no matter how much you love, what level of motivation, what feeling of desire - there will come a time that, without accountability, you will falter, or burn out, or find an excuse not to. Accountability is not weakness. It is strength. It is part of the solution to the problem - whatever that problem may be. It is understanding that someone can help you, push you, make you better than you can do on your own. So....I'll ask again...what do you do to be accountable?
I become what I eat...
Ahhhhhh! A Sunday afternoon and all is quiet in the house at the moment - JP and Jenna are napping - and I am doing my Sunday afternoon routine...cooking for the week. So far I have flash cooked some lean steaks, cooked a pound of broccoli, baked 6 sweet potatoes to make mashed sweet potatoes from, and in the process of baking tilapia and 6 pounds of chicken. With a bag of brown rice (which JP cooks because he seasons it a certain way) and a large container of organic spring mix greens, all of this should get us through Wednesday...if we're lucky!
I forgot how much I love to eat like this. It makes such a difference. It truly is what my body needs for my workout style. So much so that I can eat six meals a day of this stuff and not crave anything else. We do allow for one cheat meal a week, and last week that meant I allowed a little shredded cheese on my salad and indulged at Colstone Creamery after dinner. Only....it did nothing for me. I ate less than half of my ice cream and I was over it.
What an amazing feeling! Back to eating clean for two weeks and my body has what it needs. No obsession over sugar or carbs. No dairy, very low sodium, and LOTS of water. I can feel my muscles again now because they are getting what they need to recover and grow. A much needed reminder to me that I not only am what I eat but I also become what I eat.
I forgot how much I love to eat like this. It makes such a difference. It truly is what my body needs for my workout style. So much so that I can eat six meals a day of this stuff and not crave anything else. We do allow for one cheat meal a week, and last week that meant I allowed a little shredded cheese on my salad and indulged at Colstone Creamery after dinner. Only....it did nothing for me. I ate less than half of my ice cream and I was over it.
What an amazing feeling! Back to eating clean for two weeks and my body has what it needs. No obsession over sugar or carbs. No dairy, very low sodium, and LOTS of water. I can feel my muscles again now because they are getting what they need to recover and grow. A much needed reminder to me that I not only am what I eat but I also become what I eat.
Argh...prioritizing is not always easy...
Hmmmmm....I started this draft on 5/23/11. A lot has changed since then, but I am going to post it as is because it is where I was at the time....
Original post from 5/23/11:
Ok....so I started strong and then came to a screetching halt! Actually, not really. I have been busy with life. And the reality of life is that sometimes you have to make decisions that you don't want to make, to prioritize things you don't want to have to prioritize, and then live with the outcomes.
In my case, the issue is a pinched nerve in my neck. It is something that has been reoccuring for years, but generally requires one quick adjustment from the chiropractor and I'm good as new for another 6-8 months. After I had the baby, it started again, so I ran to the chiropractor for a quick adjustment, and nothing happened. No relief, and the pain intensified. So I ran back the next week for another adjustment, and the same outcome. I was trying to just live with it, but then it started limiting my workouts. First I noticed a shooting pain when doing flat bench press, and then issues with decline chest press, and then I couldn't even go through the motion to do dips. I started noticing my mobility was severely limited after workouts, and the only thing I could work comfortably in the gym were pull motion exercises, like back & biceps. The pain progressed to where it was happening all of the time, and it was disruptive to not only my workouts, but also my work, sleep and my ability to do certain things with the baby. I decided to try a new chiropractor, and after an assessment and x-rays, was presented with a plan of action, which included sessions three times per week for a month, two times per week for a month, and then one time per week for the final month.
So...back to the original topic of prioritizing things... If I have to go to the chiropractor three times per week, and I already have a commitment on Wednesdays, that leaves Monday, Tuesday and Thursday after work to schedule appointments. And since I have to get Jenna from daycare by a certain time, and JP works many afternoons/evenings, that means probably no gym Monday through Thursday. And since we have been out of town the last three weekends - and will also be out of town this weekend - that means no gym on the weekends. Meaning I am having to prioritize things in order of importance and time limitations. Since the pinched nerve limits by abilities in the gym, it takes precedence over the gym. And Jenna takes precedence over it all. So no gym for me for the last couple of weeks. :(
I do have to say a week and a half at the chiropractor has resulted in much less pain and more mobility for me. I am still experiencing some pain and some limitations, but this is going to work, and I am excited that I have been feeling a little better each time I go. Having muscle stimulation, muscle ultrasounds and massage is a nice addition to the manual adjustments, too, so the benefits of making this a priority are apparant (even if I long for the gym).
The danger for me in this is the fact that your schedule becomes your schedule, and prioritizing things differently, even for a short time period, than normal makes it extremely difficult to get back into the old routine. As a result, I have asked JP to race home in the evenings so I can try to get to the gym - even if only for a short cardio session - to keep it in my routine. I have found this is important, as I can easily forget how much I love the gym, especially when I am exhasuted and wanting to veg a bit!
And that is my solution. As tired as I am, and as just as I don't want to leave the munchkin in the evenings or go to the gym at a later, less convenient time, I have to push through and go. Like a muscle that doesn't get worked not only doesn't grow, but can actually atrophy, me not making the process of going to the gym a part of my schedule, no matter the reasoning, can result in an increased desire not to go. It's funny how this works, isn't it? So, I will push through and reprioritize....and go later...
Original post from 5/23/11:
Ok....so I started strong and then came to a screetching halt! Actually, not really. I have been busy with life. And the reality of life is that sometimes you have to make decisions that you don't want to make, to prioritize things you don't want to have to prioritize, and then live with the outcomes.
In my case, the issue is a pinched nerve in my neck. It is something that has been reoccuring for years, but generally requires one quick adjustment from the chiropractor and I'm good as new for another 6-8 months. After I had the baby, it started again, so I ran to the chiropractor for a quick adjustment, and nothing happened. No relief, and the pain intensified. So I ran back the next week for another adjustment, and the same outcome. I was trying to just live with it, but then it started limiting my workouts. First I noticed a shooting pain when doing flat bench press, and then issues with decline chest press, and then I couldn't even go through the motion to do dips. I started noticing my mobility was severely limited after workouts, and the only thing I could work comfortably in the gym were pull motion exercises, like back & biceps. The pain progressed to where it was happening all of the time, and it was disruptive to not only my workouts, but also my work, sleep and my ability to do certain things with the baby. I decided to try a new chiropractor, and after an assessment and x-rays, was presented with a plan of action, which included sessions three times per week for a month, two times per week for a month, and then one time per week for the final month.
So...back to the original topic of prioritizing things... If I have to go to the chiropractor three times per week, and I already have a commitment on Wednesdays, that leaves Monday, Tuesday and Thursday after work to schedule appointments. And since I have to get Jenna from daycare by a certain time, and JP works many afternoons/evenings, that means probably no gym Monday through Thursday. And since we have been out of town the last three weekends - and will also be out of town this weekend - that means no gym on the weekends. Meaning I am having to prioritize things in order of importance and time limitations. Since the pinched nerve limits by abilities in the gym, it takes precedence over the gym. And Jenna takes precedence over it all. So no gym for me for the last couple of weeks. :(
I do have to say a week and a half at the chiropractor has resulted in much less pain and more mobility for me. I am still experiencing some pain and some limitations, but this is going to work, and I am excited that I have been feeling a little better each time I go. Having muscle stimulation, muscle ultrasounds and massage is a nice addition to the manual adjustments, too, so the benefits of making this a priority are apparant (even if I long for the gym).
The danger for me in this is the fact that your schedule becomes your schedule, and prioritizing things differently, even for a short time period, than normal makes it extremely difficult to get back into the old routine. As a result, I have asked JP to race home in the evenings so I can try to get to the gym - even if only for a short cardio session - to keep it in my routine. I have found this is important, as I can easily forget how much I love the gym, especially when I am exhasuted and wanting to veg a bit!
And that is my solution. As tired as I am, and as just as I don't want to leave the munchkin in the evenings or go to the gym at a later, less convenient time, I have to push through and go. Like a muscle that doesn't get worked not only doesn't grow, but can actually atrophy, me not making the process of going to the gym a part of my schedule, no matter the reasoning, can result in an increased desire not to go. It's funny how this works, isn't it? So, I will push through and reprioritize....and go later...
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Jr. USAs, my new girl crush and a cooler to die for...
JP and I headed to Charleston this past weekend for the NPC Jr. USA Bodybuilding Championships. JP was such a trooper, as worked pretty much the entire time we were there. Next time you see him, get him to tell you the story about oiling up the light-heavy and heavy weight bodybuilding guys. Hilarious!
Jenna went with us and was such a trooper all day - until men's bodybuilding started. The music was so loud, and it agitated her, even with her ear muffs. But it was the last event of the day, and that was at around 9pm - after she had been there since about 11am that morning. Like I said, she is such a trooper, and is getting used to traveling.
Being there renewed my interest in possibly competing. It seems like insanity to some people, but I love it. And with the introduction of the new physique division, my interest was peaked even more. It's still a thought, but something I have thought about for a long time, so we'll see...
Speaking of the women's physique division...the first ever IFBB Physique Pro, Dana Linn Bailey, stood out above and beyond any of the other competitors. Her personality really came through during the night show during her posing routine, and although we were up at the top back of the Performing Arts Center, her physique was great even from there. I have a really big girl-crush on her! Fortunately for me, there is not a shortage of information about her right now. You can check her out at her website: Dana Linn Here is a You Tube video of her doing a photo shoot at her home gym:
Jenna went with us and was such a trooper all day - until men's bodybuilding started. The music was so loud, and it agitated her, even with her ear muffs. But it was the last event of the day, and that was at around 9pm - after she had been there since about 11am that morning. Like I said, she is such a trooper, and is getting used to traveling.
Being there renewed my interest in possibly competing. It seems like insanity to some people, but I love it. And with the introduction of the new physique division, my interest was peaked even more. It's still a thought, but something I have thought about for a long time, so we'll see...
However much I liked the women's physique competition, I have to say that, being the first time it was unveiled in competition, it was the slowest moving element of the day. They had half of the amount of competitors than figure, but took twice as long. And since they are still working out what the overall criteria will be (beyond stating that it is somewhere between figure and bodybuilding), what they are looking for could vary widely from show to show and year to year. We shall see...
For the overall awards they were giving out Six Pack Fitness Coolers. What a great idea! As soon as we have a little extra money, we are going to get one for each of us. It has a space for everything you could need, and it keeps them separate, something we don't get with our regular coolers. Check it out: Six Pack Bags
I could write and write, but I will leave it at this. I do want to give a shout out to Ashley Heyl, who placed 6th in a really tough figure class! This is a great placing for her first national show ever! Congrats, lady! And say a prayer if you read this, as her fiancé is recently deployed. Not only is she dealing with missing him, but also doesn't have him here during her competition cycle - a tough place for sure! And also keep an eye out for Becca Luna, who wasn't able to compete at Jr. USAs due to a stomach flu bug, but she is prepping for Jr. Nationals in Chicago June 18th, and is planning on coming in strong!
Good night everyone!
Julie
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Whoa!
Ok. I just have to say I am okay. I'm not depressed. Or hating myself. Or sitting around obsessed with whether I put on a pound or two. Honestly, when you have an infant, you truly don't have time for all that. Or I don't, at least.
I was really taken back when I had a few people reach out and tell me they were concerned with how hard/harsh I was being with myself. When I go back and read the last blog post, I can see how someone can think that. So I feel the need to address it here. I can see how someone can think of parts of the post as being harsh, but to do so is not looking at the big picture of what I wrote. My intention was not self-abuse. Self-abuse is not my reality, either. In fact, I was telling on the part of me that wants to do that, and saying what I have found works against it. Self-abuse is not my reality. There may be times when I am not happy with what I see in the mirror, but who is? There may be times when I wish I could fit into different clothes, but who doesn't? There may be times when I call myself names and put myself down. I have no control over the first thoughts, but I do have control over what I do with them.
My hope with the last post was to be truthful about the lies my head tells me about my body in the hope that someone else can relate. These are the truths about the first thoughts, and I am not going apologize for them. Again, I don't take ownership of them. Acknowledging these thoughts does not make them reality. Ignoring them can. Acknowledging them and still doing nothing about it can also make it my reality. My point in the last post is the number one defense against these thoughts is action. If I want to get healthier, then I have to take action. I can't think my way into being healthier. It reminds me of the old riddle, "Three frogs are on a log. One decides to jump. How many frogs are left? ..... Three frogs are left, because the one frog only made a decision." Decisions require action to bring about the desired change. Pointing this out and discussing it isn't being hard on myself.
The truth is that I literally love the gym. I WANT to work hard, so my high expectations are not self-abuse, they are a labor of love. I can mold and change my body through weight training. I love this. And losing weight isn't my ultimate goal. Being healthier is. I know lots of people who are obsessed with the number on the scale and believe that having a smaller number makes them healthier. For a lot of people, that couldn't be any further from the truth. I want to be healthy. Yes, I want to lose weight, but I also want to build strength, build endurance, eat clean/organic (even raw). I actually care more about those things than a number on a scale. I want to look healthy. I love my curves. I love that I can put on a ton of muscle. I think a woman with muscle tone is beautiful, and I can't get that if I am not healthy.
At the end of the day, I embrace my womanhood. I embrace that I am a mother. I love it, and if I had to keep my post-baby body forever in return for my beautiful daughter, I would do so without another thought. But I don't have to. At the end of the day, embracing who I am means shining light on the dark parts of myself (and my thought processes) so that they don't become my reality.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Excuses
There is always an excuse we can find to not to what it is we need to do. And when we do, there is always a consequence to face.
My excuses this week were weak and plenty, and as a result, I haven't been to the gym since Tuesday. Actually, Tuesday is the only day I have been to the gym since unveiling this blog. How ironic, huh? On Tuesday, I worked back and biceps, but decided to skip hamstrings and didn't do any cardio. And when I don't get in the gym, I pay NO mind whatsoever to diet. Which means a LOT of eating out this week, and I never make good choices when I eat out.
Well...if I am going to put it all out there, I have to put it all out there. This isn't about me putting my good face forward, it's about me being real. And honest. And accountable. So here I am, doing all three.
As I stated earlier, when I make excuses, there is always a consequence to face. Good, bad or indifferent, there is always a consequence. And we have to decide to either face it or continue to lie to ourselves and make even more excuses.
My consequence is that I put on 2.4 pounds this week. I haven't done my measurements yet, but we all know that's not going to have positive outcomes either. That is not fun. Instead of seeing any real progress next week, I will be getting back to where I was last week. I could lie to myself and say this is progress, but when looking at the situation as a whole, it's truly just getting back to where I already was. FYI...this is not me beating myself up. It IS me telling on a very insidious mindset that can set me up for failure. Do you get what I am saying? If not, I will review it, as I see this all the time because it's a widely held mindset. If I make progress and then backslide, then getting back the progress I already made it not more progress. A lot of people may argue this point with me, and I am not going to argue it. I'm stating logical fact. And it's important for me to acknowledge this, otherwise I will rationalize myself into a yo-yo pattern - a yo-yo pattern that has defined my entire workout life.
Let me explain...I work really hard for a time period - sometimes 1 week, sometimes 1 months, sometimes even a few months. Eventually I have a period where I slack off for a week - I skip the gym a few times, I eat like crap, and I just don't do what I know works. I put on a few pounds, an eight or a quarter of an inch, a percentage of body fat. I feel sluggish, my mind doesn't work like it should. I get back in the gym, on the diet, and doing what I know works. When I again lose those few pounds, that eighth or quarter of an inch, that body fat percentage, I call it a victory and celebrate it. Not that it isn't to be celebrated, and I will talk about the mentality of self-sabotage in a minute, but this is not a new learning experience. I repeat it over and over and over again. I KNOW what happens when I don't do what I know works. It was once a valuable reminder of what happens when I don't do it, but the outcome is now quite predictable. As a result, falling into this pattern of laziness and then celebrating it is INSANITY. Period.
Of course, the last statement I just made is an example of black/white thinking, and I don't live in a black/white world. There are times when shades of gray come into play. Like this week, for example. Jenna was up in the middle of the night a few days in a row. As a result, I am exhausted the next day. I literally don't have the energy to walk across the house, much less drag my butt to the gym. This is real and it is reality. I know I will feel better when I go to the gym, but if she is up again that next night, then my body doesn't get a chance to recover from my workout like it should, and I am doubly exhausted the next day. This is also real and reality. So I also have to take this into account when I am considering my feelings about the scale, and my feelings about measurements in just a few minutes.
Another truth for me is that I don't consider either point of view when I step on the scale. What does happen is a barrage of insults that I throw at myself...things that include the words...fat, lazy, always, never, can't... As in, "you're fat" "you're lazy" "you always do this" "you'll never lose this weight, and will always be fat" "husband will never find you attractive" "you just can't do this" Harsh, I know. But the reality of what my head says in that moment, as I look at the numbers 194.6 on the scale. And in that moment, I have a choice to the listen to those lies or not. I have a choice to believe what that voice in my head is telling me or not. And what choice I make determines my outcomes. It determines whether I lace up my shoes and head to the gym today - or whether I sit around and eat crap all day. It determines whether I go tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
So although there are shades of gray, the action itself IS black or white. I either do it or I don't. Period. Today I can forgive myself for not being perfect, and I can acknowledge that life is shades of gray. But...and there has to be a but...I absolutely cannot use shades of gray as an excuse for not taking action. Because if I do, it is insanity. And I will be living in the realm of make believe. The realm of always, nevers and can'ts. There is no defense against always and nevers and can'ts. And although it is just as insane to call myself fat and lazy, there IS a defense against that - because when I pick up the weights or I get on the step mill, the same body I look at in the mirror at home a loath becomes an object worthy of my respect. I may not be happy with my body, but I can change it. And I'm far from lazy. I'm intense. I'm motivated. And I can choose not to give into the insanity that keeps me complacent.
It's insane how our brains can lie to us. It's insane how we believe those lies. For just a moment this morning, I almost believed the lies. Now I'm off to the gym to prove that voice wrong and change my reality. Yet another confirmation that action is the key to combating that insanity...no matter what way it manifests itself...:)
My excuses this week were weak and plenty, and as a result, I haven't been to the gym since Tuesday. Actually, Tuesday is the only day I have been to the gym since unveiling this blog. How ironic, huh? On Tuesday, I worked back and biceps, but decided to skip hamstrings and didn't do any cardio. And when I don't get in the gym, I pay NO mind whatsoever to diet. Which means a LOT of eating out this week, and I never make good choices when I eat out.
Well...if I am going to put it all out there, I have to put it all out there. This isn't about me putting my good face forward, it's about me being real. And honest. And accountable. So here I am, doing all three.
As I stated earlier, when I make excuses, there is always a consequence to face. Good, bad or indifferent, there is always a consequence. And we have to decide to either face it or continue to lie to ourselves and make even more excuses.
My consequence is that I put on 2.4 pounds this week. I haven't done my measurements yet, but we all know that's not going to have positive outcomes either. That is not fun. Instead of seeing any real progress next week, I will be getting back to where I was last week. I could lie to myself and say this is progress, but when looking at the situation as a whole, it's truly just getting back to where I already was. FYI...this is not me beating myself up. It IS me telling on a very insidious mindset that can set me up for failure. Do you get what I am saying? If not, I will review it, as I see this all the time because it's a widely held mindset. If I make progress and then backslide, then getting back the progress I already made it not more progress. A lot of people may argue this point with me, and I am not going to argue it. I'm stating logical fact. And it's important for me to acknowledge this, otherwise I will rationalize myself into a yo-yo pattern - a yo-yo pattern that has defined my entire workout life.
Let me explain...I work really hard for a time period - sometimes 1 week, sometimes 1 months, sometimes even a few months. Eventually I have a period where I slack off for a week - I skip the gym a few times, I eat like crap, and I just don't do what I know works. I put on a few pounds, an eight or a quarter of an inch, a percentage of body fat. I feel sluggish, my mind doesn't work like it should. I get back in the gym, on the diet, and doing what I know works. When I again lose those few pounds, that eighth or quarter of an inch, that body fat percentage, I call it a victory and celebrate it. Not that it isn't to be celebrated, and I will talk about the mentality of self-sabotage in a minute, but this is not a new learning experience. I repeat it over and over and over again. I KNOW what happens when I don't do what I know works. It was once a valuable reminder of what happens when I don't do it, but the outcome is now quite predictable. As a result, falling into this pattern of laziness and then celebrating it is INSANITY. Period.
Of course, the last statement I just made is an example of black/white thinking, and I don't live in a black/white world. There are times when shades of gray come into play. Like this week, for example. Jenna was up in the middle of the night a few days in a row. As a result, I am exhausted the next day. I literally don't have the energy to walk across the house, much less drag my butt to the gym. This is real and it is reality. I know I will feel better when I go to the gym, but if she is up again that next night, then my body doesn't get a chance to recover from my workout like it should, and I am doubly exhausted the next day. This is also real and reality. So I also have to take this into account when I am considering my feelings about the scale, and my feelings about measurements in just a few minutes.
Another truth for me is that I don't consider either point of view when I step on the scale. What does happen is a barrage of insults that I throw at myself...things that include the words...fat, lazy, always, never, can't... As in, "you're fat" "you're lazy" "you always do this" "you'll never lose this weight, and will always be fat" "husband will never find you attractive" "you just can't do this" Harsh, I know. But the reality of what my head says in that moment, as I look at the numbers 194.6 on the scale. And in that moment, I have a choice to the listen to those lies or not. I have a choice to believe what that voice in my head is telling me or not. And what choice I make determines my outcomes. It determines whether I lace up my shoes and head to the gym today - or whether I sit around and eat crap all day. It determines whether I go tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
So although there are shades of gray, the action itself IS black or white. I either do it or I don't. Period. Today I can forgive myself for not being perfect, and I can acknowledge that life is shades of gray. But...and there has to be a but...I absolutely cannot use shades of gray as an excuse for not taking action. Because if I do, it is insanity. And I will be living in the realm of make believe. The realm of always, nevers and can'ts. There is no defense against always and nevers and can'ts. And although it is just as insane to call myself fat and lazy, there IS a defense against that - because when I pick up the weights or I get on the step mill, the same body I look at in the mirror at home a loath becomes an object worthy of my respect. I may not be happy with my body, but I can change it. And I'm far from lazy. I'm intense. I'm motivated. And I can choose not to give into the insanity that keeps me complacent.
It's insane how our brains can lie to us. It's insane how we believe those lies. For just a moment this morning, I almost believed the lies. Now I'm off to the gym to prove that voice wrong and change my reality. Yet another confirmation that action is the key to combating that insanity...no matter what way it manifests itself...:)
Monday, April 18, 2011
Leave your ego at the door...
I don't think I have to explain how hard it can be to walk into the gym for the first time - whether the first time ever, the first time in months/years or the first time in days. It's intimidating. Your mind tells you everyone is staring at you. You can't hide from yourself because everywhere you look is a floor to ceiling mirror (except in the cardio section - thank goodness for this...I don't think anyone looks sexy doing cardio!).
And for me, my ego is screaming at me.
Incessant, loud, overpowering. Telling me it's all or nothing. Reminding me of where I once was...
How do I battle the ego? I get my ass in there and I do the work. I remind myself that I once was where I was as a result of hard work. I am not the girl who does cardio for a bit and loses weight. I work out hard 6 days a week and my results come in very small increments. It's why my goals are weight, measurements, and body fat, as well as increases in strength and endurance. I HAVE to monitor multiple areas to see progress sometimes. My experience in the past has taught me that some weeks I don't see a change in the scale, the tape measurements or the body fat percentage, but I do see increases in strength and/or endurance. Some weeks I may see an increase in the scale, but a decrease in measurements. Some weeks I can see any variation of any of these, and it gives me hope because I am not tied to one way of seeing progress. Even though my ego wants to tell me different.
I don't know how it works for other people, but the minute I start moving doing cardio, pushing weights or doing plyometrics, everything gets quiet. And I remember it is not all or nothing. I may not be where I was, but the only way I will get back there is by doing the work. Nothing else. The works shuts up my ego. And I remember that this is my place, my sanctuary, my meditation. This is where I come to decompress, to get it all out. I love the burn. I love the sweat. I love having nothing left at the end. I love walking out the door with my head held high, my ego in check. At least for that day.
Tomorrow is another day. And the ego will start again. One day at a time. One weight at a time. I progress.
How do I battle the ego? I get my ass in there and I do the work. I remind myself that I once was where I was as a result of hard work. I am not the girl who does cardio for a bit and loses weight. I work out hard 6 days a week and my results come in very small increments. It's why my goals are weight, measurements, and body fat, as well as increases in strength and endurance. I HAVE to monitor multiple areas to see progress sometimes. My experience in the past has taught me that some weeks I don't see a change in the scale, the tape measurements or the body fat percentage, but I do see increases in strength and/or endurance. Some weeks I may see an increase in the scale, but a decrease in measurements. Some weeks I can see any variation of any of these, and it gives me hope because I am not tied to one way of seeing progress. Even though my ego wants to tell me different.
I don't know how it works for other people, but the minute I start moving doing cardio, pushing weights or doing plyometrics, everything gets quiet. And I remember it is not all or nothing. I may not be where I was, but the only way I will get back there is by doing the work. Nothing else. The works shuts up my ego. And I remember that this is my place, my sanctuary, my meditation. This is where I come to decompress, to get it all out. I love the burn. I love the sweat. I love having nothing left at the end. I love walking out the door with my head held high, my ego in check. At least for that day.
Tomorrow is another day. And the ego will start again. One day at a time. One weight at a time. I progress.
The pictures...
The last post was long and I didn't want to start a whole different topic at the end, but I need to address the pictures....
I guess I should actually say the making of the pictures...
I had JP take those after a workout on Saturday, 4/9/11. I am taking these for a reason. They hopefully one day will be tangible proof of where my body once was. For now, they are proof that my body is where it is.
I had my husband take them, and as you can see, I have my head hung in shame. I was burning with shame, and at the end, I was in tears. It was so hard for me to stand there and have him take those pictures. My husband! He who sees me naked when I get out of the shower, who is my partner, who I have an intensely close relationship with, who knows me better than anyone else in the world. And I was so ashamed my eyes burned with tears. It was an intensely vulnerable moment for me. As is this blog.
Just a reminder to anyone who struggles with body issues that it's not easy. Shining the light on it helps me stay in the solution and keeps me focused on what is real - my health.
Just a reminder to anyone who struggles with body issues that it's not easy. Shining the light on it helps me stay in the solution and keeps me focused on what is real - my health.
In the beginning...
As some of you know, before finding out I was pregnant, I had started preparation to possibly compete in a bodybuilding show. I was tracking my measurements and body fat composition every two weeks, staying on a specific macro-nutrient breakdown that was tweeked based on the outcome of the body fat composition and I was tracking the amount of progress I was making per exercise in the gym. I was tracking how much body fat I was losing and how much muscle I was gaining. Although not thin, I was getting into the best shape of my life. I was working toward an initial goal - get to 15% body fat by Christmas and reevaluate from there - with a long-term goal of competing during this season (i.e., right now).
When I start in the fall of 2009, my body fat % was in the upper 30's. I don't know exactly what it was because I asked not to see it at that time. I wanted to work toward something and wanted to see it later, when I had made some progress. I believe it was 36%, but couldn't say for sure. My last body composition was done on 6/6/10 (5 days before I found out I was pregnant). My body fat % at that time was 26.69, which was down 0.36% from the Sunday two weeks prior. I am revisiting this only to let everyone know where I was before I was pregnant. Well...technically I was pregnant then, but didn't know it. However, I was only 3 weeks past possible conception, so I wasn't far enough along for it to affect my measurements. I was going to do body fat composition the week I started back in the gym, but after consulting some people, have decided not to. The main reason for this is the fact that I have loose skin on my abdomen from having the baby and having a C-section, and this will throw off my overall body fat composition. As a result, I am going to measure scale weight and tape measurements for now.
Now here I am, 8 weeks postpartum. I have been back in the gym for two weeks. Having had a C-section, my doctor didn't clear me to get back in the gym until my 6 week follow up appointment. Since then, I have been in the gym for at least 5 days per week. My goal is 6 days - having a 3-day split for lifting and 3 days for cardio. My split will be: Tuesday - back, biceps, hamstrings / Thursday - chest, triceps, calves / Saturday - shoulders, forearms, quads. My goal for cardio is 45-60 minutes on the 3 cardio days and either hi-intensity intervals or minimum 20 minutes on lifting days.
My weight on 6/6/10 (my last body measurement date before finding out I was pregnant) was 170. Honestly, most people are very surprised when they hear this. I do have to defend myself by pointing out that I have a lot of dense muscle, making me heavier than the average person of my height and measurements. For example, in my mid-20s, I was in a size 2, but still weighed 128 pounds. Most people who are my height at that size are hovering around the 100-105 pound mark. Ok...so enough defending myself...that is not what I am here to do (this is a reminder to myself...).
My final weight before giving birth was 232. Oh my, I said it! I can't believe it. I remember when I told JP that...well...he was blown away. This means that, start to finish, I put on a full 62 pounds. A good bit of this was in the first trimester, when I stopped working out and started eating carbs, fruits & sweets. I worked out through about the end of June - I only know this because I remember working out in the gym at Furman when I was there for a conference. But after June, I didn't step foot in the gym until 4/6/11. I did walk around the neighborhood a few times a week, but that stopped when it got cold outside. The final truth, I didn't work out and I ate just about what I wanted, so I gained 62 pounds.
Of course, I say I don't have to defend myself, but here comes the defense against the weight gain...a lot of it was water weight. Anyone who saw me in those final weeks can totally confirm this! When I went for my 2 week follow-up with the doctor, I was down to 196. I had lost 36 pounds without even doing anything! But I knew that I wasn't going to lose the rest that easily. Fast forward to 8 weeks postpartum and I was still at 196. I hadn't gained any, but I hadn't lost any. And I had to give up breastfeeding because Jenna couldn't latch, so there also went my built-in fat burner...
So...my starting weight getting back in the gym on 4/6/11 was 196.2. My weight on 4/16/11 was 192.2. My weight when I found out I was pregnant was 170. I would like to get back to 170. I will be tracking my tape measurements as I go, as I tend to lose weight VERY slowly, but see the difference in my measurements (that way I can track if I am losing more in inches, but not so much in weight). I am not going to use the calipers for body fat composition right now. I am not sure when I will start tracking the body fat percentage, so I am not going to set a goal in this department yet.
Since I seem to be rambling, I here are my goals:
1. See a steady decrease in weight, with a goal to get back to 170 (my pre-pregnancy weight)
2. See a steady decline in my tape measurements
3. See a steady increase in weight lifted per exercise
4. See a steady increase in endurance with cardio (as measured by heart rate)
When I start in the fall of 2009, my body fat % was in the upper 30's. I don't know exactly what it was because I asked not to see it at that time. I wanted to work toward something and wanted to see it later, when I had made some progress. I believe it was 36%, but couldn't say for sure. My last body composition was done on 6/6/10 (5 days before I found out I was pregnant). My body fat % at that time was 26.69, which was down 0.36% from the Sunday two weeks prior. I am revisiting this only to let everyone know where I was before I was pregnant. Well...technically I was pregnant then, but didn't know it. However, I was only 3 weeks past possible conception, so I wasn't far enough along for it to affect my measurements. I was going to do body fat composition the week I started back in the gym, but after consulting some people, have decided not to. The main reason for this is the fact that I have loose skin on my abdomen from having the baby and having a C-section, and this will throw off my overall body fat composition. As a result, I am going to measure scale weight and tape measurements for now.
Now here I am, 8 weeks postpartum. I have been back in the gym for two weeks. Having had a C-section, my doctor didn't clear me to get back in the gym until my 6 week follow up appointment. Since then, I have been in the gym for at least 5 days per week. My goal is 6 days - having a 3-day split for lifting and 3 days for cardio. My split will be: Tuesday - back, biceps, hamstrings / Thursday - chest, triceps, calves / Saturday - shoulders, forearms, quads. My goal for cardio is 45-60 minutes on the 3 cardio days and either hi-intensity intervals or minimum 20 minutes on lifting days.
My weight on 6/6/10 (my last body measurement date before finding out I was pregnant) was 170. Honestly, most people are very surprised when they hear this. I do have to defend myself by pointing out that I have a lot of dense muscle, making me heavier than the average person of my height and measurements. For example, in my mid-20s, I was in a size 2, but still weighed 128 pounds. Most people who are my height at that size are hovering around the 100-105 pound mark. Ok...so enough defending myself...that is not what I am here to do (this is a reminder to myself...).
My final weight before giving birth was 232. Oh my, I said it! I can't believe it. I remember when I told JP that...well...he was blown away. This means that, start to finish, I put on a full 62 pounds. A good bit of this was in the first trimester, when I stopped working out and started eating carbs, fruits & sweets. I worked out through about the end of June - I only know this because I remember working out in the gym at Furman when I was there for a conference. But after June, I didn't step foot in the gym until 4/6/11. I did walk around the neighborhood a few times a week, but that stopped when it got cold outside. The final truth, I didn't work out and I ate just about what I wanted, so I gained 62 pounds.
Of course, I say I don't have to defend myself, but here comes the defense against the weight gain...a lot of it was water weight. Anyone who saw me in those final weeks can totally confirm this! When I went for my 2 week follow-up with the doctor, I was down to 196. I had lost 36 pounds without even doing anything! But I knew that I wasn't going to lose the rest that easily. Fast forward to 8 weeks postpartum and I was still at 196. I hadn't gained any, but I hadn't lost any. And I had to give up breastfeeding because Jenna couldn't latch, so there also went my built-in fat burner...
So...my starting weight getting back in the gym on 4/6/11 was 196.2. My weight on 4/16/11 was 192.2. My weight when I found out I was pregnant was 170. I would like to get back to 170. I will be tracking my tape measurements as I go, as I tend to lose weight VERY slowly, but see the difference in my measurements (that way I can track if I am losing more in inches, but not so much in weight). I am not going to use the calipers for body fat composition right now. I am not sure when I will start tracking the body fat percentage, so I am not going to set a goal in this department yet.
Since I seem to be rambling, I here are my goals:
1. See a steady decrease in weight, with a goal to get back to 170 (my pre-pregnancy weight)
- Measured by digital scale weight each Saturday morning
2. See a steady decline in my tape measurements
- Measured by tape measure each Saturday morning
3. See a steady increase in weight lifted per exercise
- Measured by recording weight/reps/sets during workouts
- Will record whether circuit, Hammer Strength or free weight
- Will have to record whether working out at Pivotal or Body Tech, as there are variances to weight recorded on equipment due to different manufacturers (varying pulley systems on cable and circuit machines largely explain this variation between gyms)
4. See a steady increase in endurance with cardio (as measured by heart rate)
- Measured by Polar watch & chest band for low to moderate intensity cardio
- Measures by Polar watch/chest band + increase in intervals for high intensity cardio
5. Determine a start date for body fat composition using calipers & start recording once every two weeks.
6. Diet: I am going to table any decisions about diet for now.
One final thought....something for people to consider when setting goals in the gym: the scale alone is not a reliable indicator of progress. Period. If I put on muscle, I may not lose scale weight like I want to. I can also lose a lot of weight and still have a high body fat percentage. And I can have a low body fat percentage and a high scale weight. I have also learned the hard way that diet (and when I say diet, I mean your overall food consciousness or way of eating) is the key to success in seeing progress with the scale, tape measurements and body fat percentage together. I have chosen not to tackle the diet issue in my goals for now because trying to do so with an infant, a full-time job and a husband who works, has an internship and is in school fill-time is too much.
And here is the hardest part...the part that causes me to pause, to think I may be crazy, to think that you will now see me differently because you have seen me. The pictures on the left are from 5/23/10 - right before I found out I was pregnant. The pictures on the right are from 4/9/11 - 6 weeks postpartum (2 weeks ago)...
And here is the hardest part...the part that causes me to pause, to think I may be crazy, to think that you will now see me differently because you have seen me. The pictures on the left are from 5/23/10 - right before I found out I was pregnant. The pictures on the right are from 4/9/11 - 6 weeks postpartum (2 weeks ago)...
Front:
The greatest difference is in my bust (+1 in), waist (+ 5 in), my hips (+ 6 in) and thighs (+2 in). Although the difference everywhere else is <1 inch, the muscle mass is much different. I am ready to have my muscles back!
The greatest difference is in my bust (+1 in), waist (+ 5 in), my hips (+ 6 in) and thighs (+2 in). Although the difference everywhere else is <1 inch, the muscle mass is much different. I am ready to have my muscles back!
Side:
Rear (no doubt I have a rear!):
And so my journey continues....
Thanks for the support!
What's the point?
They say life is a journey, not a destination. Do you ever ask yourself, "What's the point?"
This is a question that has come to mind when I think about this blog - the idea, the implementation of the idea, what I might include, what direction it might take...
Which is exactly the point! I, like millions of other women, suffer from self-doubt. I can be overly critical of my body - wanting perfection - and experiencing a great deal of shame because I am no where close to the ideal I would like to have.
Another point is that it takes WORK to achieve an ideal. It takes work to mold a body, to recover from a lifetime of bad lifestyle choices, to recover from having a baby. I know some women who naturally bounce back, who lose the weight without too much work, who don't even look like they were even pregnant just weeks (and in some cases, days) after having a baby. That's not me. And it's not a lot of women.
When I told my Mom about the idea of starting a blog to record my postpartum recovery, she shared that it might be a bad idea, that maybe I shouldn't openly share something so personal. I thought about that for a bit, because I was having the same thoughts, but in the end decided that I needed to do this.
So here I am, bearing my soul (and my body) for your inspection, in the hopes that even one woman benefits from me doing so. And in the process of shedding light on it, I will find purpose and become free of the shame that I feel regarding my body right now. I will find purpose.
And I will do so in real time...not at the end of the journey...which is extremely difficult because there is no saying, "well, that was me then, BUT look at me now" to make me feel better about it all. It is me...right here...right now...with all of my imperfections, extra weight - and even self-doubt.
Here I am...this is my work...this is my journey...
This is a question that has come to mind when I think about this blog - the idea, the implementation of the idea, what I might include, what direction it might take...
Which is exactly the point! I, like millions of other women, suffer from self-doubt. I can be overly critical of my body - wanting perfection - and experiencing a great deal of shame because I am no where close to the ideal I would like to have.
Another point is that it takes WORK to achieve an ideal. It takes work to mold a body, to recover from a lifetime of bad lifestyle choices, to recover from having a baby. I know some women who naturally bounce back, who lose the weight without too much work, who don't even look like they were even pregnant just weeks (and in some cases, days) after having a baby. That's not me. And it's not a lot of women.
When I told my Mom about the idea of starting a blog to record my postpartum recovery, she shared that it might be a bad idea, that maybe I shouldn't openly share something so personal. I thought about that for a bit, because I was having the same thoughts, but in the end decided that I needed to do this.
So here I am, bearing my soul (and my body) for your inspection, in the hopes that even one woman benefits from me doing so. And in the process of shedding light on it, I will find purpose and become free of the shame that I feel regarding my body right now. I will find purpose.
And I will do so in real time...not at the end of the journey...which is extremely difficult because there is no saying, "well, that was me then, BUT look at me now" to make me feel better about it all. It is me...right here...right now...with all of my imperfections, extra weight - and even self-doubt.
Here I am...this is my work...this is my journey...
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