I wanted to share a link to the first post on this blog, to remind myself and others why I started this in the first place:
First Blog Post
This post also jumped out at me. It was a great reminder to me that, like everything else in life, this process is a labor of love. Everything and everyone I love requires dedication, sacrifice and patience. This is something I truly love. I wish you that love:
What Do You See When You See Me?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Staying in today
Honestly, the first 6 weeks have not been that much of a challenge. As I stated in previous posts, I really had to work on the mentality of treating competition prep like a job, and that still holds true, but I genuinely don't feel the need to explain or feel guilty about sticking to and staying focused on the overall goal of competing.
My first real challenge has been dealing with a plateau. I still have 4 days to go until my next body comp, and I am not feeling as confident this week as I have been in weeks past. As with everything in life, there is a lesson in this, which, at least as I see it now, is more about maintaining a positive attitude and not letting frustration overcome me.
This really is reflective of real life. The hard decisions to make are hard for a reason. It is hard to weigh everything I eat, to turn down offers for free lunch or to have my own food while everyone else is eating something else. It is time consuming - it is a commitment. But as with any commitment, I generally see the results, as my body is changing before my eyes. Well...it was...
For most people, the real prep starts 12-16 weeks out, depending on their starting point. As a result, I am in the real prep period now, when everything I eat, everything I left, where every minute of cardio I do counts. It also makes a difference if I don't do them or I half-ass them. The real work has begun.
I am starting to realize that the frustration with the plateau I am having is just as much about the fear of the future as it is frustration with feeling like the work I am doing is not creating the results I want. Actually, these two go hand in hand, as my fear of the future probably relates to already facing the possibility of a more restrictive nutrition plan and possibly more time in with cardio. The fact that I have been eating the amount of calories I have and still am doing relatively minimal cardio has been something I have been happy with and is why the first 6 weeks were not really a struggle. Also, it's easy to stay motivated when you are meeting the minimum outcome you plan for plus some. Add in a plateau and the prospect of having to be more restricted and motivation wanes a bit. Thank goodness I am still adding strength. I have that to look forward to! At least for the next few weeks. Once I start restricting my nutrition more, my strength will decrease, so hopefully I'll be able to focus on the numbers for motivation then. :)
Which does bring me back to a recurring theme in my posts - the importance of utilizing more than one aspect to measure success. In this case, I'm learning to not be married to the numbers, and I am working on not getting into fear about nutrition and cardio, and struggling with both of these could be cause for self-sabotage, self-doubt or other things that could keep me from reaching my goal. Having strength to focus on is something that rejuvenates my motivation, as is JP and my network of friends and family who encourage me. As my nutrition changes, and my strength decreases, I will have to rely on other measures to stay motivated. Fortunately that is in the future, and I can stay focused on today, which is a lifting day. I will go to the gym and I will work it out, and in doing so, I will remember why I love this so much and why I wanted to do this in the first place....at least until I get on the scale in the morning...lol...(I am joking here, just for clarification).
This really is reflective of real life. The hard decisions to make are hard for a reason. It is hard to weigh everything I eat, to turn down offers for free lunch or to have my own food while everyone else is eating something else. It is time consuming - it is a commitment. But as with any commitment, I generally see the results, as my body is changing before my eyes. Well...it was...
For most people, the real prep starts 12-16 weeks out, depending on their starting point. As a result, I am in the real prep period now, when everything I eat, everything I left, where every minute of cardio I do counts. It also makes a difference if I don't do them or I half-ass them. The real work has begun.
I am starting to realize that the frustration with the plateau I am having is just as much about the fear of the future as it is frustration with feeling like the work I am doing is not creating the results I want. Actually, these two go hand in hand, as my fear of the future probably relates to already facing the possibility of a more restrictive nutrition plan and possibly more time in with cardio. The fact that I have been eating the amount of calories I have and still am doing relatively minimal cardio has been something I have been happy with and is why the first 6 weeks were not really a struggle. Also, it's easy to stay motivated when you are meeting the minimum outcome you plan for plus some. Add in a plateau and the prospect of having to be more restricted and motivation wanes a bit. Thank goodness I am still adding strength. I have that to look forward to! At least for the next few weeks. Once I start restricting my nutrition more, my strength will decrease, so hopefully I'll be able to focus on the numbers for motivation then. :)
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
15 weeks and 4 days out...
And I am learning to not be married to the numbers.
David told me that a time would come when I look in the mirror and see that I look leaner, but that my numbers will not reflect it. Enter this past Sunday, when everything went up. Weight=up. BF%=up. Tape measurements=up. Clothes=looser. What I see in the mirror=leaner. How does that happen?
I know the concept defies logic, but I have talked to a number of friends in the industry and they all say that this can happen - especially with women (hormonal changes are generally the culprit). I had a ruptured ovarian cyst last week (sorry if that's TMI), so that in addition to the stomach bug could have thrown by body out of whack. However, my workouts were solid, I am adding weight to my lifts even though I am leaning out, and my muscle definition is starting to show (another thing that doesn't make sense with the numbers this past weekend).
There were a few things that happened in response to my body comps this week. First, my reaction was to be disappointed. I started crying, which upset JP. He is still working on how to manage the emotional aspect of all of this, and he did a great job of trying to get me to focus on the positive. I gave myself a small bit of time to process everything and not be happy with it, but was not going to engage in self-pity or let it turn into self-sabotage. There are generally two things I do when I am stressed out - eat and clean. I had just had a meal when we did body comps, so eating was out of the picture. Jenna was still playing in the living room (i.e., one baby wrecking crew) so cleaning wasn't an option. So I went to the gym and did my workout for the day. I knew going into it that my attitude about it would dictate whether I had a good workout or not, so I sought some experience from a friend in the fitness industry, prayed and went and had a great workout. The fallout of the emotional upheaval, even as short as it is, is that I have been tired, struggling with cravings and not wanting to do cardio this week. However, I push forward and I know that these things are only temporary.
As for my coach, he is a minimalist, and he sent a text telling me he wasn't worried about the numbers this week and to stay the course. That minimalist approach works well for me.
I'm practicing my basic front pose a few times a day, and am getting more comfortable with it overall. I can hold the pose for longer periods of time, I'm getting better at flaring my lats without using an inhale as the starting point, which also means that I am learning to hold the pose without holding my breath. Lol I have been bad about setting my right shoulder higher than my left, but this is common posing error, and something that is easy to correct. I have started playing with the other poses, but need to get with my coach about tweeking them. Believe it or not, the front pose is the most difficult to hold. It is also the one I will spend the most time doing.
At the end of the day, I have less than 4 months to go. As I have said before, this seems like such a long period of time, but I also realize that it will pass before I know it. I'm 6 weeks in and amazed at how much my body has changed in that time period. I can only imagine, and anticipate seeing, what the remaining 15.5 weeks will bring.
David told me that a time would come when I look in the mirror and see that I look leaner, but that my numbers will not reflect it. Enter this past Sunday, when everything went up. Weight=up. BF%=up. Tape measurements=up. Clothes=looser. What I see in the mirror=leaner. How does that happen?
I know the concept defies logic, but I have talked to a number of friends in the industry and they all say that this can happen - especially with women (hormonal changes are generally the culprit). I had a ruptured ovarian cyst last week (sorry if that's TMI), so that in addition to the stomach bug could have thrown by body out of whack. However, my workouts were solid, I am adding weight to my lifts even though I am leaning out, and my muscle definition is starting to show (another thing that doesn't make sense with the numbers this past weekend).
There were a few things that happened in response to my body comps this week. First, my reaction was to be disappointed. I started crying, which upset JP. He is still working on how to manage the emotional aspect of all of this, and he did a great job of trying to get me to focus on the positive. I gave myself a small bit of time to process everything and not be happy with it, but was not going to engage in self-pity or let it turn into self-sabotage. There are generally two things I do when I am stressed out - eat and clean. I had just had a meal when we did body comps, so eating was out of the picture. Jenna was still playing in the living room (i.e., one baby wrecking crew) so cleaning wasn't an option. So I went to the gym and did my workout for the day. I knew going into it that my attitude about it would dictate whether I had a good workout or not, so I sought some experience from a friend in the fitness industry, prayed and went and had a great workout. The fallout of the emotional upheaval, even as short as it is, is that I have been tired, struggling with cravings and not wanting to do cardio this week. However, I push forward and I know that these things are only temporary.
As for my coach, he is a minimalist, and he sent a text telling me he wasn't worried about the numbers this week and to stay the course. That minimalist approach works well for me.
I'm practicing my basic front pose a few times a day, and am getting more comfortable with it overall. I can hold the pose for longer periods of time, I'm getting better at flaring my lats without using an inhale as the starting point, which also means that I am learning to hold the pose without holding my breath. Lol I have been bad about setting my right shoulder higher than my left, but this is common posing error, and something that is easy to correct. I have started playing with the other poses, but need to get with my coach about tweeking them. Believe it or not, the front pose is the most difficult to hold. It is also the one I will spend the most time doing.
At the end of the day, I have less than 4 months to go. As I have said before, this seems like such a long period of time, but I also realize that it will pass before I know it. I'm 6 weeks in and amazed at how much my body has changed in that time period. I can only imagine, and anticipate seeing, what the remaining 15.5 weeks will bring.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Ugh...
So it looks like it's a real stomach bug afterall. I woke up this morning, and I actually had an appetite. I started eating breakfast, and about halfway through it started not tasting so good, and by the end I realized I was going to get sick again.
So, here I am, at home from work today, posting about my stomach bug. As long as I don't eat, I am okay. Which sucks when you are used to eating 6 meals a day. But at the end of the day, it is what it is. Better that this happened 17 weeks out and not a few weeks out.
And with the rain, it's a good day to be lazy...so I will take advantage and rest today - and hopefully back at it tomorrow!
So, here I am, at home from work today, posting about my stomach bug. As long as I don't eat, I am okay. Which sucks when you are used to eating 6 meals a day. But at the end of the day, it is what it is. Better that this happened 17 weeks out and not a few weeks out.
And with the rain, it's a good day to be lazy...so I will take advantage and rest today - and hopefully back at it tomorrow!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Palmetto Cup & my (unsuccessful) not-clean eating moment...
Yesterday was the Palmetto Cup - the first of the year state/local National Qualifier Fitness, Figure, Bikini, Physique & Bodybuilding show. I started out the day at 4 am to help my friend and local competition coach, Becca Luna, with some of the day-of prep for the three ladies that she had competing. I ended up working the show, too, which made for a veeeeeeeery long day. A feels-like-I'm-coming-off-of-a-coke-binge kind of day! Lol. But we had a great time and it was good for me to take part in all of the backstage activities. Here is a pic of me with Becca and her ladies, from right - Alex, Jennifer & Carla:
Here is Becca and Carla. You can check out Carla's journey on her blog at: Blood, Sweat.....and Heels
As for the reference in the title regarding a not-so-successful foray into non-clean eating (i.e, a cheat meal)....well...looks like I have food poisoning. Earlier today when I started writing this post, I thought I was just sick from eating non-clean after eating clean for 6 weeks straight. Given that the entire day has passed, I have had nothing else to eat and I am still sick...food poisoning or a stomach bug seems to be the most likely culprit. I hate that I was not able to enjoy my breakfast from Waffle House, but I am thinking I'll be more likely to not stray too far into non-clean food land from here on out.
As for my comps - I am happy! I dropped scale weight, inches and body fat, so no complaints. Just trucking along and doing it one solid week at a time. 17 weeks to go!
Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there!
Julie
Here is Becca and Carla. You can check out Carla's journey on her blog at: Blood, Sweat.....and Heels
As for my comps - I am happy! I dropped scale weight, inches and body fat, so no complaints. Just trucking along and doing it one solid week at a time. 17 weeks to go!
Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there!
Julie
Friday, May 11, 2012
No Excuses!
I find inspiration in a lot of places - today I find it here:
Have a great weekend and good luck to everyone competing at Palmetto Cup this weekend! :)
Also, Happy Mother's Day to all of the beautiful Mother's out there!
Julie
Have a great weekend and good luck to everyone competing at Palmetto Cup this weekend! :)
Also, Happy Mother's Day to all of the beautiful Mother's out there!
Julie
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Updates and ramblings...
So I tried to do a video log today and wasn't able to get the volume worked out, so I will work on tweaking this for the future. It was hilarious to watch my facial expressions, though, when you couldn't hear what I was saying!
I will probably be given a change in nutrition today or tomorrow. I am okay with this. I am ready to see my carbs and fat go down a little, as I sometimes struggle to meet both at every single meal. It will also mean some restrictions on the meals I hit just fine - like breakfast and my meals with lean ground sirloin - but it also means moving in the direction needed to keep leaning out. My coach told me yesterday that I could have a cheat meal for Mother's Day. Interestingly enough, I cannot think of one meal I absolutely want to have. Knowing I can have it calmed the desire to have one down - like calling someone on their bluff. I'm still such an addict in my thinking sometimes. Lol. I am sure I can come up with a plan of where I would like to eat by the time the weekend rolls around though. :)
In addition to posing, I walked through some form issues with my coach yesterday. I definitely am dealing with tendonitis, now in both wrists, but I am realizing this more from having to pick Jenna up and down, put her in the car and high chair, etc. The angles at which I have to do this put a lot of stress on my wrists, and that isn't something that is going to change anytime soon, so we talked about ways for me to work around this. I also have an issue with the inner head of my right bicep that requires some consideration with limations in training and posing. It's better than it was last week, when I couldn't even flex it. Now I can, so this is encouraging.
I'm going to change up my workouts, keeping them short and sweet as I have been, but focusing largely on big compound movements for overall muscle growth rather than any fine-tuning movements. The workout I have will have to be tweaked a little to adjust for gym volume (i.e., everyone in the gym works chest on Monday and back on Tuesday, so trying to do a chest/back combo day wouldn't work on either of those days). JP sat down and did some planning with me last night on how to rework the training days and keep them in the order they are and we were able to come up with a plan that I think will work. I like this workout split - it was the split I was doing when I finally broke 135 on my bench press, so my hope is that this, combined with the trainings form adjustments my coach gave me, will give me an increase in my overall strength. No changes to cardio, which I like. Cardio is my kryptonite, so not having to add any yet is a secret victory for me. :):)
I have to say that, a month in, I am feeling good and meeting with my coach yesterday rejuvinated me. I was so excited last night I could hardly sleep. I dreamt about posing all night. Lol. If you read this and want to touch base with JP, he may need some conversation that doesn't center around posing, diet or workouts. Haha! I love you, honey! You are amazingly supportive and I love that we live this insanity together! :)
Ok. That's it for today. Thanks always for thoughts and prayers!
Julie
I will probably be given a change in nutrition today or tomorrow. I am okay with this. I am ready to see my carbs and fat go down a little, as I sometimes struggle to meet both at every single meal. It will also mean some restrictions on the meals I hit just fine - like breakfast and my meals with lean ground sirloin - but it also means moving in the direction needed to keep leaning out. My coach told me yesterday that I could have a cheat meal for Mother's Day. Interestingly enough, I cannot think of one meal I absolutely want to have. Knowing I can have it calmed the desire to have one down - like calling someone on their bluff. I'm still such an addict in my thinking sometimes. Lol. I am sure I can come up with a plan of where I would like to eat by the time the weekend rolls around though. :)
In addition to posing, I walked through some form issues with my coach yesterday. I definitely am dealing with tendonitis, now in both wrists, but I am realizing this more from having to pick Jenna up and down, put her in the car and high chair, etc. The angles at which I have to do this put a lot of stress on my wrists, and that isn't something that is going to change anytime soon, so we talked about ways for me to work around this. I also have an issue with the inner head of my right bicep that requires some consideration with limations in training and posing. It's better than it was last week, when I couldn't even flex it. Now I can, so this is encouraging.
I'm going to change up my workouts, keeping them short and sweet as I have been, but focusing largely on big compound movements for overall muscle growth rather than any fine-tuning movements. The workout I have will have to be tweaked a little to adjust for gym volume (i.e., everyone in the gym works chest on Monday and back on Tuesday, so trying to do a chest/back combo day wouldn't work on either of those days). JP sat down and did some planning with me last night on how to rework the training days and keep them in the order they are and we were able to come up with a plan that I think will work. I like this workout split - it was the split I was doing when I finally broke 135 on my bench press, so my hope is that this, combined with the trainings form adjustments my coach gave me, will give me an increase in my overall strength. No changes to cardio, which I like. Cardio is my kryptonite, so not having to add any yet is a secret victory for me. :):)
I have to say that, a month in, I am feeling good and meeting with my coach yesterday rejuvinated me. I was so excited last night I could hardly sleep. I dreamt about posing all night. Lol. If you read this and want to touch base with JP, he may need some conversation that doesn't center around posing, diet or workouts. Haha! I love you, honey! You are amazingly supportive and I love that we live this insanity together! :)
Ok. That's it for today. Thanks always for thoughts and prayers!
Julie
Wooohoooo!
I did my first round of posing practice yesterday! Woot! If you can't tell, I am super excited about this. :):)
We're just sticking to working on the front & back pose for bodybuilding right now, and will build on this as I get more comfortable with it. A few observations:
Seeing my body change is motivation. Seeing my musculature take shape (by muscle growth and leaning out body fat) is motivation. Seeing my shape change when posing is motivation. I have to say, at this moment, that I am really excited about this process. A month in and each step provides new energy and motivation!
We're just sticking to working on the front & back pose for bodybuilding right now, and will build on this as I get more comfortable with it. A few observations:
- It's harder than it looks
- The mind-muscle connection is essential in posing
- Keeping everything flexed is exhausting
- I have LAT SPREAD! I just have to practice keeping it WIDE!
- My quads are fuller than I thought they were
- My shoulders are finally symmetrical again (were out of proportion due to a form error)
- I can really do this!!
Seeing my body change is motivation. Seeing my musculature take shape (by muscle growth and leaning out body fat) is motivation. Seeing my shape change when posing is motivation. I have to say, at this moment, that I am really excited about this process. A month in and each step provides new energy and motivation!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Making progress
Slow, but steady progress.
Since the first body comps on 4/9/12, I have lost:
1/4 inch from each of my calves
1 inch from each of my thighs
1.5 inches from my glutes
2.5 inches from my hips
4 inches from my waist proper
3 inches from the largest part of my stomach (just below my BB - where I still carry pregnancy weight)
2.25 inches from my chest (I was hoping I would keep the girls, but not so much...)
1/2 inch from each of my arms
1/4 inch from my right forearm (no change in my left forearm)
And I have lost 7.4 pounds and am a solid size 10 (i.e., not a "I can squeeze myself into one random pair of size 10's" but can actually comfortably wear most size 10s I try on...lol).
If I stay on track with this, then I should come in at about 12% BF by the time of the show. Time will tell if this will be sufficient to actually compete.
My biggest problem area will be my stomach. As is with most women post-pregnancy, that skin doesn't have the elasticity that the rest of the skin on my body does. I am hoping this will adjust as the rest of me does. Again, time will have to tell with this one. And competition tanning products work wonders on this, too.
I really, really, REALLY wanted something outside of what I am eating over the past two days. With Jenna sick, we have been mostly home bound, which means I have time to think about what I am eating. I also realized that this is largely a control issue. I'm bored and I feel like I am stuck here, so I want something I can control....FOOD! Instead of cheating - I almost rationalized that I could take all of the macro-nutrients for my last two meals and make them into one big, delicious meal - I reworked one of my meals to include a multi-grain wrap and fat-free mozzarella cheese (I KNOW this is faux-cheese, but it was good and it took care of my craving, dammit!). As of today, I have been since Easter without any junk, sweets, or anything not on my competition eating plan. I am truly past the cravings - and any that I do experience at this point are genuinely all in my head! Can't wait to see what happens when I start cutting fat and carbs! :)
Here are some comparison shots - pics from 4/9/12 are on the left and pics from today are on the right...
So we still need to fine tune the lighting and the distance, but you can see the finer differences here. When I was in the kitchen, I was more concerned that they were related to junk in the background.
Ok. I'm off to bed. We have a long week ahead of us and Palmetto Cup next weekend.
G'night everyone! Have a great week!
Since the first body comps on 4/9/12, I have lost:
1/4 inch from each of my calves
1 inch from each of my thighs
1.5 inches from my glutes
2.5 inches from my hips
4 inches from my waist proper
3 inches from the largest part of my stomach (just below my BB - where I still carry pregnancy weight)
2.25 inches from my chest (I was hoping I would keep the girls, but not so much...)
1/2 inch from each of my arms
1/4 inch from my right forearm (no change in my left forearm)
And I have lost 7.4 pounds and am a solid size 10 (i.e., not a "I can squeeze myself into one random pair of size 10's" but can actually comfortably wear most size 10s I try on...lol).
If I stay on track with this, then I should come in at about 12% BF by the time of the show. Time will tell if this will be sufficient to actually compete.
My biggest problem area will be my stomach. As is with most women post-pregnancy, that skin doesn't have the elasticity that the rest of the skin on my body does. I am hoping this will adjust as the rest of me does. Again, time will have to tell with this one. And competition tanning products work wonders on this, too.
I really, really, REALLY wanted something outside of what I am eating over the past two days. With Jenna sick, we have been mostly home bound, which means I have time to think about what I am eating. I also realized that this is largely a control issue. I'm bored and I feel like I am stuck here, so I want something I can control....FOOD! Instead of cheating - I almost rationalized that I could take all of the macro-nutrients for my last two meals and make them into one big, delicious meal - I reworked one of my meals to include a multi-grain wrap and fat-free mozzarella cheese (I KNOW this is faux-cheese, but it was good and it took care of my craving, dammit!). As of today, I have been since Easter without any junk, sweets, or anything not on my competition eating plan. I am truly past the cravings - and any that I do experience at this point are genuinely all in my head! Can't wait to see what happens when I start cutting fat and carbs! :)
Here are some comparison shots - pics from 4/9/12 are on the left and pics from today are on the right...
These are comparisons from last week, 4/29/12, to this week. We are going to have to work on the lighting in the new area, as the kitchen worked better with lighting, but we needed to give me a blank background for week-to-week pics. Look at the difference in my face!
Ok. I'm off to bed. We have a long week ahead of us and Palmetto Cup next weekend.
G'night everyone! Have a great week!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Some people just won't understand this process...
In fact, most people won't.
As I walked to a meeting in the conference room at work a few minutes ago, a couple of my co-workers commented on my weight loss, with one even saying he thought I looked scrawny. This comment really gave me pause, as I am nowhere near scrawny. Leaning out? Yes. But at a solid size 10/12 and 165 pounds (at 5'3"), I am far from scrawny. In fact, my BMI (which I have shared before about my opinion of this...), is still sitting at a whopping 29.2 - which is only 0.8 away from obese. Which really made me think of how there are many misconceptions about all of this.
Will there come a point when I will look scrawny to most people? Absolutely. At least in clothes. I will also look gaunt in the face, making me appear older than when I have more body fat on me. That may sound weird, but on a stage with a posing suit, lights, tan and elevation, every single body fat percentage shows. One body fat % can mean covering muscle definition that can set you apart from other competitors. This is a reality of doing a figure/physique/body building competition.
Issues with eating are a huge issue in this industry, but there is a way of doing it that can be healthier. I haven't entered into this without giving it a lot of thought. I have considered that I will not only need to have a plan to prepare for the competition, but I will also have to have a plan for metabolic recovery after the competition. This is a reality of the sport, and where a lot of people get themselves in trouble is either by not planning or by not following their plan. I intend to do both, plan and follow the plan, as the alternative is to put on an extreme amount of weight in a short period of time following competition, which I definitely don't want to do.
The truth of this is that it is a huge commitment of time and energy. We have been out of town 2 of the last 3 weekends and will be out of town again this coming weekend. We have bought a huge cooler to accomodate the fact that I need to bring all of my own food. Given that we will be on the road for 8+ hours, I will have to cover 3-4 meals in that time frame, so we will need to stop at truck stops, where I can heat up my food. Stopping and eating on the fly somewhere just isn't an option. Neither is Starbucks (another thing we do a lot on the road) or candy (to deal with boredom in the car). Neither is skipping workouts while we are out-of-town - even when we have a jam packed schedule full of family and events. If it sounds like a lot of work, it is.
But the real difficult part isn't traveling out of town...or carrying our own food...or timing my meals. Believe it or not, being at home, in my day to day schedule - for day after day, week after week, and what will be month after month - is harder. It's hard not to be able to schedule an afternoon get-together with a friend or lunch with someone because I work through lunch and then hit the gym after work. It's hard to tell to people that I don't eat at restaurants - or what they are cooking. It's hard not to ever compromise. Not because I am not committed, but because people don't understand.
Which is the point of this post. People just don't understand. It is it's own form of insanity. It's not compromising, not making any excuses, not accepting any reasons for not doing it. I can think of so many areas of my life that this is the status quo for success - sobriety, marriage, parenting, work - and people understand. This is no less a choice than those. Not anymore than the person who rides, who is out training day after day. Not anymore than the person who is training for a marathon, who is out training day after day. Not anymore than the person who is training with a team sport, who is out training day after day. But for some reason, this is different. People just don't understand.
The amazing thing about this is...it doesn't matter if people don't understand. I am not doing this for other people. I'm not doing this to prove anything or to try to be the best (although I do want to win...who wouldn't?). I am doing this for me. I am excited. And, although at first I doubted this could be accomplished (doubts that came from months of diligent diet and exercise with no results), I am now convinced it can. And I am motivated to do well...to challenge myself...to mold and change my body...to address the issues it brings up and to grow as a person from it all...to accomplish something I have wanted to do for a long time, but have not done. And to do it in a way that I can be at peace with.
As I walked to a meeting in the conference room at work a few minutes ago, a couple of my co-workers commented on my weight loss, with one even saying he thought I looked scrawny. This comment really gave me pause, as I am nowhere near scrawny. Leaning out? Yes. But at a solid size 10/12 and 165 pounds (at 5'3"), I am far from scrawny. In fact, my BMI (which I have shared before about my opinion of this...), is still sitting at a whopping 29.2 - which is only 0.8 away from obese. Which really made me think of how there are many misconceptions about all of this.
Will there come a point when I will look scrawny to most people? Absolutely. At least in clothes. I will also look gaunt in the face, making me appear older than when I have more body fat on me. That may sound weird, but on a stage with a posing suit, lights, tan and elevation, every single body fat percentage shows. One body fat % can mean covering muscle definition that can set you apart from other competitors. This is a reality of doing a figure/physique/body building competition.
Issues with eating are a huge issue in this industry, but there is a way of doing it that can be healthier. I haven't entered into this without giving it a lot of thought. I have considered that I will not only need to have a plan to prepare for the competition, but I will also have to have a plan for metabolic recovery after the competition. This is a reality of the sport, and where a lot of people get themselves in trouble is either by not planning or by not following their plan. I intend to do both, plan and follow the plan, as the alternative is to put on an extreme amount of weight in a short period of time following competition, which I definitely don't want to do.
The truth of this is that it is a huge commitment of time and energy. We have been out of town 2 of the last 3 weekends and will be out of town again this coming weekend. We have bought a huge cooler to accomodate the fact that I need to bring all of my own food. Given that we will be on the road for 8+ hours, I will have to cover 3-4 meals in that time frame, so we will need to stop at truck stops, where I can heat up my food. Stopping and eating on the fly somewhere just isn't an option. Neither is Starbucks (another thing we do a lot on the road) or candy (to deal with boredom in the car). Neither is skipping workouts while we are out-of-town - even when we have a jam packed schedule full of family and events. If it sounds like a lot of work, it is.
But the real difficult part isn't traveling out of town...or carrying our own food...or timing my meals. Believe it or not, being at home, in my day to day schedule - for day after day, week after week, and what will be month after month - is harder. It's hard not to be able to schedule an afternoon get-together with a friend or lunch with someone because I work through lunch and then hit the gym after work. It's hard to tell to people that I don't eat at restaurants - or what they are cooking. It's hard not to ever compromise. Not because I am not committed, but because people don't understand.
Which is the point of this post. People just don't understand. It is it's own form of insanity. It's not compromising, not making any excuses, not accepting any reasons for not doing it. I can think of so many areas of my life that this is the status quo for success - sobriety, marriage, parenting, work - and people understand. This is no less a choice than those. Not anymore than the person who rides, who is out training day after day. Not anymore than the person who is training for a marathon, who is out training day after day. Not anymore than the person who is training with a team sport, who is out training day after day. But for some reason, this is different. People just don't understand.
The amazing thing about this is...it doesn't matter if people don't understand. I am not doing this for other people. I'm not doing this to prove anything or to try to be the best (although I do want to win...who wouldn't?). I am doing this for me. I am excited. And, although at first I doubted this could be accomplished (doubts that came from months of diligent diet and exercise with no results), I am now convinced it can. And I am motivated to do well...to challenge myself...to mold and change my body...to address the issues it brings up and to grow as a person from it all...to accomplish something I have wanted to do for a long time, but have not done. And to do it in a way that I can be at peace with.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
18 weeks and 4 days to go
Not a whole lot to report. Holding steady with the nutrition and cardio. Losing weight and inches. I would say body fat % but that is all over the place. Of course that is the one thing with the largest margin for...ahem...user error. But a huge thank you to my husband for taking this on, as it would cost weekly otherwise. :)
Here are my pictures from this past Sunday, 4-29-12. I am definitely starting to noticeably lean out.
Here are my pictures from this past Sunday, 4-29-12. I am definitely starting to noticeably lean out.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)