There is only one way to eat an elephant....

One bite at a time.

I'm going to the dark side.... 

I'm going compete. 

I'm shooting for WPD - NPC Women's Physique Division (a cross between figure and bodybuilding).

Ok.  I am going to try to compete. Lol.  I really don't think of it as the dark side, as I have always been enamored by the sport, but I have been resistant because I see a lot of people who are endomorphs like me do the extreme nutrition that it takes to compete, and then come back and put on more weight than ever before.  I have also inquired about this, and have discovered it is just as essential to ease yourself back into a normal eating range, just like you have to ease yourself into competition shape.

Yes...I know...a lot of people don't "ease" themselves into competition shape.  I have set my show as Stewart Fitness, which is September 8th.  When I started, it gave me 21 weeks to prepare.  This is a reasonable time frame, and it also leaves me room in the competition season to push it back to October or November, if I am not hitting the goals I need to hit to be on track for the September 8th show.

As it stands today, I am at 29.10% percent body fat (this number is high due to the extra weight I still carry in my abdomen from having Jenna).  The average American female carries 35-40% body fat, although the recommended range is 20-25%.  Average competition range is 9-14%.  As a result, my number is certainly a bit from where I need to be, but not an unmanageable number to stay on track to lose at a healthy rate in preparation for a show.

What is crazy is what this process brings up in me.  As a preface, I am not a person too prone to insecurity.  I have talked about my struggles of how hard on myself I was after having the baby, and I was not comfortable with feeling that way about myself.  I like to look at myself and try to make gains.  There is no doubt that I have struggled with losing weight - even in the face of diligent exercise and dieting - and this can weigh on anyone, but through the process I have learned to accept myself as I am.  Until last night. 

Last night, we did my body comps and tape measurements.  My scale weight has gone down.  My body fat% has gone down.  My tape measurements are smaller.  Yet I felt awful looking at the numbers.  I felt insecure, like I had a huge battle ahead of me.  Which I do.  There is no doubt about that.  But why did I feel this way when I was making progress in every area?


The only thing I can fugure is that I am putting myself under a microscope.  I am aware of every rep, of e very set, of every limitation and every gain.  I am aware of every gram of protein, carbohydrates and fat I am putting in my body at all 6 meals per day.  I am aware of every minute of cardio I do and what my heart rate is during that time period.  I am aware of how my clothes fit, how I may actually have a bicep injury rather than tendonitis (which could be good and bad).  I am aware of every inch of my body.  And it's scary.  And exhilarating.  And I have to be truthful about the thoughts that pass through my head.  Good, bad or indifferent.  Which is why I am back here after not having posted for a couple of months.  Because this is one of the places I put it out there.  (JP isn't happy with this fact, but he understands that it is me speaking about me, so he doesn't argue about it).


I actually look forward to this process.  Everyone says it is hard.  But I look forward to the work.  I look forward to dissecting the process and breaking it down so that I can make the goals and try to be ready.  I cannot get overwhelmed by the big picture or bogged down with focusing on the end result.


I just have to remember....there is only one way to eat an elephant...one bit at a time.   And so I go...one meal at a time...one workout at a time...one day at a time...