Ok...ignore the outfit, as that was a joke...and the hair and face, as we had been walking around downtown Charleston in 100+ degree weather, so we were sweating like crazy! What immediately drew my attention was my legs. My legs! Where did they go? My friend, Elizabeth, said she told her husband, "Honey, have you seen Julie's legs? They seem to have disappeared!" This picture is such a testament to how I don't see myself in an objective light. I was still feeling like I had these crazy thick legs, and I realized (finally) when I saw this picture that my legs have actually leaned out a lot. I still have a ways to go to be in show shape, but I have come a long way.
Which brings me to another thought...as we were walking around Charleston this weekend, it occurred to me that, in trying to get into shape for a competition (or, should I say, in trying to get into competition shape), I have sometimes lost sight of the fact that I am in better and better shape every day. I am stronger, leaner, healthier than I have been in a long time. I'm fitter, too. I took 5 flights of stairs full steam, in heels, without losing my breath at all. That blew my mind. It may not sound like a lot, but even running on a flat landscape is much different then pulling your bodyweight up - even if it is only for 5 flights. I can remember not long ago that walking up steps would wind me, so I am happy that it doesn't anymore. I have also realized recently that I am now leaner than I have ever been in the time that I have been with JP. I always had this idea that I was so much leaner when we met, but I was in a size 10 then, and I still have two pairs of pants from that time - my "skinny" pants - and they are now too big (which they were not then). The dimensions of my body are different thanks to having been pregnant (i.e., I carry weight in different places), but it blows my mind to realize that I have been carrying this extra weight for so long.
And that is just what it is. To understand this, I just needed a quick trip down memory lane. This started yesterday, when my co-worker, who I worked with back in 2000, said to me, "You are starting to be the Julie I know again." This really got me thinking, and I realized that the weight I have been carrying for the last 7 years or so really isn't me. I could explain with words, but I think pictures carry more...ahem...weight (ok..that was bad, but it was funny!):
10th Grade
Senior year
21st Birthday (no comments on the outfit - I thought it was badass!Lol)
1999
2000
2001
2001
2002
2004
I have a gap of missing years on Photobucket, but you get the idea. I know the blond hair may come as a shock to some, but this was how I had my hair until June 2006, when I walked into Carmen! Carmen! salon for my first ever appointment with Deni, and said, "Chop it all off!" As for the weight - after Jen died in October 2004, I was so burned out with school and work and everything, I just stopped going to the gym. I stopped cooking and started eating out a lot. And the pounds creeped on. I stayed at a steady 8/10 until after JP and I got married and I have pretty much chronicled the story since that time.
It's funny how insidious it is...how you can rationalize to yourself...how, when heavy, you see a smaller, thinner version of yourself, and when you lean out, you see a heavier, thicker version of yourself. How does that happen? Just like I looked at that picture from this past weekend and thought, "is that really me?", after having Jenna, I would look at pictures of myself and say the same thing, only the reality I was seeing was that I could so lie to myself about how much weight I had actually gained. Funny how we don't really have an accurate perspective.
But just like the day I cut all of my hair off...
June 2006
...and owned a "new me" - like everything else in life, I have a new awareness, a new perspective - and I am now reclaiming a part of that old me that got lost in the process.
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