Excuses

There is always an excuse we can find to not to what it is we need to do.  And when we do, there is always a consequence to face.

My excuses this week were weak and plenty, and as a result, I haven't been to the gym since Tuesday.  Actually, Tuesday is the only day I have been to the gym since unveiling this blog.  How ironic, huh?  On Tuesday, I worked back and biceps, but decided to skip hamstrings and didn't do any cardio.  And when I don't get in the gym, I pay NO mind whatsoever to diet.  Which means a LOT of eating out this week, and I never make good choices when I eat out.

Well...if I am going to put it all out there, I have to put it all out there.  This isn't about me putting my good face forward, it's about me being real.  And honest.  And accountable.  So here I am, doing all three.

As I stated earlier, when I make excuses, there is always a consequence to face.  Good, bad or indifferent, there is always a consequence.  And we have to decide to either face it or continue to lie to ourselves and make even more excuses.

My consequence is that I put on 2.4 pounds this week.  I haven't done my measurements yet, but we all know that's not going to have positive outcomes either.  That is not fun.  Instead of seeing any real progress next week, I will be getting back to where I was last week.  I could lie to myself and say this is progress, but when looking at the situation as a whole, it's truly just getting back to where I already was.  FYI...this is not me beating myself up.  It IS me telling on a very insidious mindset that can set me up for failure.  Do you get what I am saying?  If not, I will review it, as I see this all the time because it's a widely held mindset.  If I make progress and then backslide, then getting back the progress I already made it not more progress.  A lot of people may argue this point with me, and I am not going to argue it.  I'm stating logical fact.  And it's important for me to acknowledge this, otherwise I will rationalize myself into a yo-yo pattern - a yo-yo pattern that has defined my entire workout life.

Let me explain...I work really hard for a time period - sometimes 1 week, sometimes 1 months, sometimes even a few months.  Eventually I have a period where I slack off for a week - I skip the gym a few times, I eat like crap, and I just don't do what I know works.  I put on a few pounds, an eight or a quarter of an inch, a percentage of body fat.  I feel sluggish, my mind doesn't work like it should.  I get back in the gym, on the diet, and doing what I know works.  When I again lose those few pounds, that eighth or quarter of an inch, that body fat percentage, I call it a victory and celebrate it.  Not that it isn't to be celebrated, and I will talk about the mentality of self-sabotage in a minute, but this is not a new learning experience.  I repeat it over and over and over again.  I KNOW what happens when I don't do what I know works.  It was once a valuable reminder of what happens when I don't do it, but the outcome is now quite predictable.  As a result, falling into this pattern of laziness and then celebrating it is INSANITY.  Period.

Of course, the last statement I just made is an example of black/white thinking, and I don't live in a black/white world.  There are times when shades of gray come into play.  Like this week, for example.  Jenna was up in the middle of the night a few days in a row.  As a result, I am exhausted the next day.  I literally don't have the energy to walk across the house, much less drag my butt to the gym.  This is real and it is reality.  I know I will feel better when I go to the gym, but if she is up again that next night, then my body doesn't get a chance to recover from my workout like it should, and I am doubly exhausted the next day.  This is also real and reality.  So I also have to take this into account when I am considering my feelings about the scale, and my feelings about measurements in just a few minutes.

Another truth for me is that I don't consider either point of view when I step on the scale.  What does happen is a barrage of insults that I throw at myself...things that include the words...fat, lazy, always, never, can't...  As in, "you're fat" "you're lazy" "you always do this" "you'll never lose this weight, and will always be fat" "husband will never find you attractive" "you just can't do this"  Harsh, I know.  But the reality of what my head says in that moment, as I look at the numbers 194.6 on the scale.  And in that moment, I have a choice to the listen to those lies or not.  I have a choice to believe what that voice in my head is telling me or not.  And what choice I make determines my outcomes.  It determines whether I lace up my shoes and head to the gym today - or whether I sit around and eat crap all day.  It determines whether I go tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.

So although there are shades of gray, the action itself IS black or white.  I either do it or I don't.  Period.  Today I can forgive myself for not being perfect, and I can acknowledge that life is shades of gray.  But...and there has to be a but...I absolutely cannot use shades of gray as an excuse for not taking action.  Because if I do, it is insanity.  And I will be living in the realm of make believe.  The realm of always, nevers and can'ts.  There is no defense against always and nevers and can'ts.  And although it is just as insane to call myself fat and lazy, there IS a defense against that - because when I pick up the weights or I get on the step mill, the same body I look at in the mirror at home a loath becomes an object worthy of my respect.  I may not be happy with my body, but I can change it.  And I'm far from lazy.  I'm intense.  I'm motivated.  And I can choose not to give into the insanity that keeps me complacent.

It's insane how our brains can lie to us.  It's insane how we believe those lies.  For just a moment this morning, I almost believed the lies.  Now I'm off to the gym to prove that voice wrong and change my reality.  Yet another confirmation that action is the key to combating that insanity...no matter what way it manifests itself...:)