This matter of faith...

How is competition prep like thrift shopping? It's a matter of faith. Of willingness. Of trust - in a process, that submitting to a process you don't necessarily understand or even like will bring out results beyond what you can conceive of in and of yourself.

I had this revelation the other day. Simple, but profound at the moment. I had spent a bit of time researching toddler tables for Jenna. She really is getting uncomfortable in her high chair, and since we all eat on different schedules, it's not usually necessary to have her at the dinner table when she eats. I was dumbfounded by the fact that a simple plastic or wood table could start out at $80+, at least for ones that had good reviews. That is money we just don't have right now. I have been trolling at Once Upon a Child and peeking as I pass yard sales with no luck. I had accepted that it would be a bit - maybe for Christmas? - before we could get her a table. That same day, I asked JP if I could take a couple of dollars - as in like $20, which is a lot right now - and go to a couple of consignment shops and thrift stores to see if I can find some pants for work.

Let me inject a side thought here...as we are not destitute and starving, just tight on money and making a commitment to be wise(r) with money decisions. Given that I have lost a good bit of weight in the last 5 months, making an attempt to find hand-me-downs, as well as thrift and consignment clothing, is one of the commitments I have made to assisting us in being better stewards of our money.

As I was heading to a certain consignment store - coming from work, a direction I rarely, if ever, go - I passed a used furniture store. To my amazement I spot a children's Little Tikes table for sale out front. I turned around and went back, inspected it (in great shape!), and went to inquire about a price. They wanted $24 for it and it included two chairs with it. I called JP - we might find another one in the future for that price, but given that I had just been researching it and finally let go of the idea of having one right now, I couldn't pass up the deal. He said yes, so I bought it and put it in the car. I then proceeded on to two consignment shops, where 2 of the items I found were 50% off (for $9 total), two of the items I found were 40% off (for $8 total) and one item was 30% off (for a total of $5). Yes a little over budget, but they were all label items (LOFT, Nine West and Charlotte Russe), so you couldn't beat it. What does this have to do with faith? First, it takes willingness - to not get caught up in the instant gratification of shopping for clothes brand new, to search through multiple racks at thrift and consignment shops, or to ask those around you if they have clothes they want to get rid of, to let go of the idea that you need something brand new and to step out of your comfort zone. Then trust - in the process, that you will find something that fits/is nice/will last/that you like, that your needs - and even some of your wants - will be met, that you can meet two goals - in this example, to save money and find much needed clothes. I can't afford most of the labels I buy at these consignment and thrift stores. That is just being honest. But I find them - regularly - in the thrift and consignment shops. So, by trusting the process and being willing, I end up with nicer and more durable items than I would if I bought what I can afford brand new.

So how does this compare to the process of competition prep? And, even more important, how did shopping on this day bring this profound revelation to the forefront of my mind?

As I stated in the last post, I had a moment this past weekend. A moment where I accepted, to the deepest part of my being, that I may not be ready in time for the Stewart Fitness show on September 8th. I had considered this before, but this past weekend was the first time I really accepted it. That was a sad experience for me, as I have worked really hard to make this goal. In essence, my desire to meet this particular goal has been a driving force for me, even if I have been able to focus on the nuances as I go, learning a lot in the process. Letting go of this as a driving force was a bit painful for me, I have to admit. Allowing the veil of self-will to fall away is always painful, in it's own way. In spite of this, I made the agreement - with JP and with David, my coach - to push forward and make a final determination the week of. As a result, I have not faltered from my nutrition, have continued with my workouts and have stepped up my posing practice. I am proceeding as if...which I really acknowledged on the day of my last post - the day before the consignment shopping trip on Tuesday.

On Tuesday, I took a day off from the gym to do this little shopping expedition, so I could rest for a day and do something different. I was in full acceptance mode, researching Jen Hendershott's show and doing some of the math, so I can be prepared if this show doesn't work out. When I got to the first consignment shop, I grabbed a pair of pants in a size I just knew would be a bit small. When I put them on, they fit. Wait...what? They fit...they really fit. And they were cute. And in that moment, I saw myself as I was. And I realized that my stomach - the area I am most concerned about for my show - is smaller than it was on Sunday, when I did measurements. I was still on a high from finding that table so cheap, and now I stopped, really looked at my body, and I realized this might just happen afterall. I am not going to come in at some super low body fat %, with every striation of muscle showing, but I might lean out just enough to do my first show and do okay at it.

This may sound vain to some who read this, but it was a profound moment for me. Although my idea of things came crashing down around me, I stuck with the plan - I had faith. I was willing to do the work, and trust the process, even while doubting the outcome. And that is the beauty of faith - I am not in control of the outcome anyway. My life has been one continuous lesson of accepting what I am powerless over, only to find strength and inspiration in the letting go. And in doing so, I many times get outcomes beyond my wildest imagination. So I will move forward with purpose, keeping the focus on the moment at hand....willing to do the work, trust the process, and let the outcome unfold as it will.

Now, if I could just find a competition suit at a thrift store...:)